[Lady Jag]

True Love

It is true love because I put on eyeliner and a concerto and make pungent observations about the great issues of the day Even when there's no one here but him, And because I do not resent watching the Green Bay Packer Even though I am philosophically opposed to football, And because When he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the middle of the street, I always hope he's dead. It's true love because If he said quit drinking martinis but I kept drinking them and the next morning I couldn't get out of bed, He wouldn't tell me he told me, And because He is willing to wear unironed undershorts Out of respect for the fact that I am philosophically opposed to ironing, And because If his mother was drowning and I was drowning and he had to choose one of us to save, He says he'd save me. It's true love because When he went to San Francisco on business while I had to stay home with the painters and the exterminator and the baby who was getting the chicken pox, He understood why I hated him, And because When I said that playing the stock market was juvenile and irresponsible and then the stock I wouldn't let him buy went up twenty-six points, I understood why he hated me, And because Despite cigarette cough, tooth decay, acid indigestion, dandruff, and other features of married life that tend to dampen the fires of passion, We still feel something We can call True love. Judith Viorst

[yorkie]

Funny Marriage Quotes

“Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts”
-Jeff Foxworthy

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
-Groucho Marx

“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” -H.V. Prochnow

“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson

“A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.” -Unknown

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

“Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.” -Minnie Pearl

“Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.”
-Maryon Pearson

“They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.” -Mae West

“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.” -H.L. Mencken

“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” -Rodney Dangerfield

“No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.” -H.L. Mencken

“A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.” -Grace Hansen

“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.”
-Lawrence Housman

“Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.” -Marion Smith

“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” -Barbra Streisand

“My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they’ll never get all the pennies out of the pot.” -Armistead Maupin

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” -Erma Bombeck

“I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.” -Lewis Grizzard

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” -James Holt McGavran

[JustAmy]

Thank you, LadyJ.

Wonderful graphic and beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing them with us.

Every week is Love Week, so have a lovely week. :)

[GodBlessUSA]

Terrific Lady Jag :)
Thanks!

[gardengirl]

True Love**

LOL You always find the coolest poems!

When he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the middle of the street,
I always hope he’s dead.**

Because dead would hurt less than knowing he cheated on you. Sounds like my kind of woman. :)