In the intervening 20 years, I have existed rather like Guy Sajer desciribed his post war years in "The Forgotten Soldier". "There came a day when I should have died, and after that nothing seemed very important. So I have stayed as I am, without regret, separated from the normal human condition".
Only recently have I begun to realize I need to put the past behind me, crawl out of my shell and try to salvage a life.
If someone can get up and dust themselves off, it makes a much stronger person. I have to admire people who experience life threatening illness and conquer the fear. The ones who have never experienced it have not live life to the fullest.