It’s true that a 12-gauge has quite a recoil, which is why many recommend a 20-gauge. As I wrote above though, even a 20 gauge is not a light kicking gun. Anyone who is going to use any gun for self defense should become proficient with the weapon and periodically practice to maintain competence.
Having said all that, I think recoil is often over-stated. Even smaller shooters (being one myself) can learn to handle the recoil on these guns with a little practice. My 80 pound nephew fires his 20 gauge for a solid hour like it’s nothing. If he can do it, so can a full-grown woman.
I tend to agree. It's all about what you are accustomed to.
Shooting Skeet and 5-Stand with my O/U 12 gauge, I never leave the field without shooting at least 75-100 shells. And O/U generally has more recoil than semi-autos.
My ex had a shotgun I could handle just fine, but I don't remember what it was and only took one shell at a time. He also had a .22 cal pistol (I think). Nobody taught me how to use either, and I figured it out myself. The pistol held six rounds.
My biggest, biggest concern if I can get a permit, is how to have it handy and very safe from the one small child who comes regularly to my home. That is a huge issue. What's the sense of having a gun if you have to keep it locked away unloaded, ammo stored separately? A safety lock I was told comes with a .45 cal which would be a plus but not enough, also told little recoil.
Now all this in the hopes I never have to actually USE it.
I was wondering about possible defense devices that aren't guns. Knives you have to get too close. Mace is more or less useless. Those dart guns, can't remember what they're called. Some kind of chemical? Stun gun? It's awful to have to think about this. My life was threatened several years ago, and I spent a week either in my car or in a different motel every night. But that was a little different; I'm thinking of being prepared for the totally unexpected that can happen very quickly.