Replies

MONKS: [chanting]: Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.; [bonk]; Pie Iesu domine,...; [bonk]; ...dona eis requiem.; [bonk]; Pie Iesu domine,...; [bonk]; ...dona eis requiem.
CROWD:: A witch! A witch!; [bonk]; A witch! A witch!
MONKS: [chanting]: Pie Iesu domine...
CROWD:: A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! A witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! We've found a witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!
VILLAGER #1:: We have found a witch. May we burn her?
CROWD:: Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!
BEDEVERE:: How do you know she is a witch?
VILLAGER #2:: She looks like one.
CROWD:: Right! Yeah! Yeah!
BEDEVERE:: Bring her forward.
WITCH:: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
BEDEVERE:: Uh, but you are dressed as one.
WITCH:: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD:: Augh, we didn't! We didn't...
WITCH:: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
BEDEVERE:: Well?
VILLAGER #1:: Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEVERE:: The nose?
VILLAGER #1:: And the hat, but she is a witch!
VILLAGER #2:: Yeah!
CROWD:: We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!
BEDEVERE:: Did you dress her up like this?
VILLAGER #1:: No!
VILLAGER #2 and 3:: No. No.
VILLAGER #2:: No.
VILLAGER #1:: No.
VILLAGERS #2 and #3:: No.
VILLAGER #1:: Yes.
VILLAGER #2:: Yes.
VILLAGER #1:: Yes. Yeah, a bit.
VILLAGER #3:: A bit.
VILLAGERS #1 and #2:: A bit.
VILLAGER #3:: A bit.
VILLAGER #1:: She has got a wart.
RANDOM:: [cough]
BEDEVERE:: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3:: Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE:: A newt?
VILLAGER #3:: I got better.
VILLAGER #2:: Burn her anyway!
VILLAGER #1:: Burn!
CROWD:: Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...
BEDEVERE:: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
VILLAGER #1:: Are there?
VILLAGER #2:: Ah?
VILLAGER #1:: What are they?
CROWD:: Tell us! Tell us!...
BEDEVERE:: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2:: Burn!
VILLAGER #1:: Burn!
CROWD:: Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
BEDEVERE:: And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1:: More witches!
VILLAGER #3:: Shh!
VILLAGER #2:: Wood!
BEDEVERE:: So, why do witches burn?; [pause]
VILLAGER #3:: B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
BEDEVERE:: Good! Heh heh.
CROWD:: Oh, yeah. Oh.
BEDEVERE:: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1:: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE:: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #1:: Oh, yeah.
RANDOM:: Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
BEDEVERE:: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1:: No. No.
VILLAGER #2:: No, it floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1:: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD:: The pond! Throw her into the pond!
BEDEVERE:: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1:: Bread!
VILLAGER #2:: Apples!
VILLAGER #3:: Uh, very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1:: Cider!
VILLAGER #2:: Uh, gra-- gravy!
VILLAGER #1:: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2:: Mud!
VILLAGER #3:: Uh, churches! Churches!
VILLAGER #2:: Lead! Lead!
ARTHUR:: A duck!
CROWD:: Oooh.
BEDEVERE:: Exactly. So, logically...
VILLAGER #1:: If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.
BEDEVERE:: And therefore?
VILLAGER #2:: A witch!
VILLAGER #1:: A witch!
CROWD:: A witch! A witch!...
VILLAGER #4:: Here is a duck. Use this duck.; [quack quack quack]
BEDEVERE:: Very good. We shall use my largest scales.
CROWD:: Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...
BEDEVERE:: Right. Remove the supports!; [whop]; [clunk]; [creak]
CROWD:: A witch! A witch! A witch!
WITCH:: It's a fair cop.
VILLAGER #3:: Burn her!
CROWD:: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!...
BEDEVERE:: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
ARTHUR:: I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
BEDEVERE:: My liege!
ARTHUR:: Good Sir Knight, will you come with me to Camelot and join us at the Round Table?
BEDEVERE:: My liege! I would be honored.
ARTHUR:: What is your name?
BEDEVERE:: 'Bedevere', my liege.
ARTHUR:: Then I dub you 'Sir Bedevere, Knight of the Round Table'.