I am most definitely alpha female in my pack of large dogs. I can wave my hand and they move. I love on them, but I take Cesar’s view that if you give them too much affection they will take it to mean you are kissing up to them and that you are their submissive. With their size, I have to remain in my role to keep control of four dogs.
Also, I read somewhere that the roles in packs are played by who sleeps next to the alpha male or female. So if you let your dog sleep in your bed, you are telling them that they are your equal.
This works at our house. It's just the way it is.