What would you do if you were President?

07/20/08 | pieceofthepuzzle

[sloop]

what a fun sunday fantasy

sloop would:

take 10% of the strategic oil reserves and spray it along california’s beaches and anwar

outlaw hunting licenses and limits on killing caribou in Alaska

do away with these departments
*education
*interior (just to cheese off the libtards)

end all funding for
*’arts’ (no more federal funded crosses in pee)

appoint tgo (mark Levin) ag, expand his budget by 20,000% and tell him to get started on:
*hire as many people as he needs
*investigating difi and milcom
*harry and nancy’s land deals
*schumer the bank killer
*jamie gorelick for crashing fannie mae and getting millions for it, her participation on the 911 commission
*jim johnson for hiding that he make tens of millions from fannie mae

sieze algore’s compound under kelo and make it a bomb testing range

investigate the google nerds that gave algore millions

quadruple ‘big oil’s tax breaks’

cut off all federal funds from san francisco because they named a sewage plant after bush

mandate one gasoline formula

outlaw using food for fuel

direct the fbi to hack barney frank’s pc and replace all the gay porn with straight porn

declare a state of emergency in massachusetts and disband the courts that directed the legislature to create a law for gay marriage

flood nawlins (new orleans), stock it with fancy fish, sell fishing licenses to recover all the money wasted in that sewage after katrina

forbid insurance on property over 1800 square feet in high risk areas (like california canyons, hurricane areas, etc. – the exception is that no insurance would be sold to anyone that is dumb enough to live below sea level)

expand the scouts to 13 members and appoint conservative justices

direct the scouts to revisit any case the ag says to revisit or reduce the court to 1 justice of my choosing

tax every google search at $20,000 per search

invalidate hate crime legislation and declare that people making judgments about what was in the mind of a criminal (when committing a criminal act) are themselves guilty of the nation’s only hate crime – punishment is to be 50 years hard labor

cut off funds to any state that gives assistance to anyone with a cell phone, cable or ipod

cut off highway funds for any state that builds bike paths, pedestrian bridges or mass transit with highway fund money

direct the irs to abolish ‘earned income tax credit’ and collect taxes from every citizen that enjoys the benefits of citizenship

require a photoid and certified birth certificate to vote – and have minimum iq standards

change the sentence for voter fraud to life at hard labor, forfeiture of every asset that will be reinvested into voter fraud investigation

direct the fcc to seize all the assets from fox entertainment, imprison anyone associated with the production and airing of american idol and require anyone that has watched that show to memorize all our founding documents

tax professional sport participants at 95%

forbid any recreation for global warming wackjobs that involves burning carbon

outlaw a/c and heat in malls and movie theaters unless the owner denies entrance to global warming wackjobs

place algore on an 800 calorie/day diet because at his demise, the decomposition of all that excess weight contributes more than his fair share to the greenhouse gasses

direct that the guy that invented microwave popcorn and the guy that invented the leaf blower be rich and happy

forbid more than one tax on any utility bill

outlaw those annoying subaru commercials that talk about their cars and ‘love’

close the un and seize all its assets – jail anyone that has entered the building that was not a us citizen (at the discretion of the ag)

invalidate all seatbelt and helmet laws – if you wanna try it, its cool with me

abolish hov lanes and toll roads (i already paid that gas tax)

revamp the district of columbia, imprison the wackjob officials and place the texas rangers in charge

create walled off ‘gang enterprise zones’ – arm every participant inside and allow the mayhem to take its course

require bill o’reiley to learn the basics of free markets

threaten sean hannity that if he mentions that ‘tahoe hybrid suv in my driveway’ one more time, he will have to wear a teddy on camera

get alan colms’ adenoids removed so i won’t have to listen to that drilling noise

make flag burning punishable by 20 years hard labor

remove voting rights from anyone that knows every obscure sports stat but can’t name their senator or representative

deport anyone here illegally

deport anyone that uses the word ‘issue’ when they mean ‘problem’

outlaw the occupation ‘community activist’

mandatory full body epilation of anyone that believes ‘dissent is the only and highest form of patriotism’ – to be performed weekly by obese women with hairy legs and armpits using underpowered epitlaors

declare those brittish ‘hard man’ haircuts unlawful – nobody looks good with those

quadruple the number of jail cells and serve only tofu to those incarcerated

remove the larynx from anyone that hides behind phrases like ‘hate speech’ or ‘speech code’

require physical castration for rapists with transgender options denied afterward

place smart people in charge of making a new plan to tax consumption – not income

abolish mclettuce’s campaign finance reform

declare that anyone that thinks we have 57 states ineligible for any office other than collecting litter from the highway

fund research into a centipede grass variety that can survive a dallas winter and summer

ban café mileage standards

imprison fans of global warming that censure any discussion of facts – their only entertainment while incarcerated will be rush limbaugh and nancy drew mystery novels

tax ‘acting’ at 98%

cut all ‘assistance program recipients’’ benefits by half, give them a bus pass voucher to their nearest church and redirect the savings to our service members

give lutherans a tax break just because i have never met a rude one

explain to iran that i don’t care about world opinion and they have one week to make me happy – and that I am the man with the ‘button’ and an itchy finger

that would be my first hour in office – good thing that i am a nerd without political aspirations

[EGPWS]

Man oh man, I was really hoping and pushing for national food director!!

It seems the best are always passed up. : (

You would be the perfect candidate for the position eastforker!

This I know from personal experience. : )

Greetings my friend and I hope all is well.

Regards,

EG

[TheRedSoxWinThePennant]

I would light up the mountains that run along the pakistan afghan border like a christmas tree.

[sloop]

oh - and issue a continuing pardon resolution for all service people to shield them from aclu lawyer types

[eastforker]

Why thank you sir, and if no one wants to eat my pork spare ribs, then the foreign policy director kicks in and they could be sent home to their native country.

[EGPWS]

...and if no one wants to eat my pork spare ribs,...

I wasn't born a fool and as long as my heart is beating, given the opportunity to enjoy your cooking, it will always be a wanton desire. YUMMMMMY!!!!!

When it comes to cooking well, read my tag line and place "eastforker" in place of the great one. : - )

[Red Boots]

1) Destroy Mecca. 2) Confiscate all property from those who voted to give somebody else’s money to somebody else (usualy themselves). 3) Eliminate all Federal agencies and departments except for the pentagon. 4) Limit the power of Federal courts to only being able to settle disputes between states. 5) Void all Federal laws since Woodrow Wilsons Administration

I wish you were running.

[hunter112]

Seriously, the very first thing I’d do as President is carpet bomb the so-called tribal areas of western Pakistan. I don’t give a damn about what it would to to Musharraf, that weasel can take care of himself. There isn’t a thing worth saving in that rat’s nest that keeps AQ and the Taliban going.

[rfreedom4u]

I would send all the middle eastern college students packing. I’d stop sending aid to middle eastern countries. They say the west is evil so they shouldn’t need our technology or education. I’d massively push alternative fuels while also drilling in ANWR and offshore.

I’d do MUCH more to seal the southern border. I’d tell America to wake up and take some responsibility for themselves and stop expecting the government to tkae care of them.

[Squantos]

Honestly I personally feel such a facility per 1 million in population would make electric heating so cost effective that oil resources would become cheap and plentiful as well when conversion from home / business use of heating fuel is used almost exclusively for transportation .

Drive prices down across the board IMO. Cheap energy is a nation builder unequaled per my observations.

Add desalination plants along all coastal regions in the same ratio too augment water resources as well.

THEN and only THEN give 100% tax breaks to those that want too go solar or wind for their own structures to reduce their own electric bill even more !

Funny how logging was destroying the spotted owl yet the bunny huggers ain;t screaming about the wind generators ?!?!?

I know the windmills are fast yet look slow based on their size. Aside from that I am waiting for the first tornado that tosses a few dozen of these missiles a few thousand feet as nature plays lawn dart’s with the wind farms neighbors.

As a professional “money” hugger and self professed cheap bastard I want utilities as low as they will go yet ........cost of energy , PM and payroll of such facilities has too be shared by all. Were I chief cook and bottle washer and in charge of such I’d stop all foreign aid , energy exports ect tomorrow. If China needs oil to make gizmo factories, let those gizmo factories be built here, with american employees and we will export their gizmos !

BTW this DTG ......watch yer weather . Track of that storm in the gulf is supposed too change at 10:00 AM our time.

Coming yer way ! Surround yourself with beautiful women, lots of beer, drink beer use bottles as flotation devices and wimmin will be grateful !