HUMPDAY HORRORSCOPEWednesday, July 23, 2008 |
You will have a nightmare tonight, in which you find yourself dangling from the ceiling, while brightly colored paper maché animals with glowing eyes file into the room. One of them will be carrying a stick. Perhaps you shouldn't eat so much candy before going to bed?
Today will be the best day of your life, if you can just remember ... er ... now what was that? Hmmm. If you can just remember something really important. Otherwise, no. Hmmm.
Birds figure heavily in your day, today. My advice? Wear a hat.
In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled I'm Ok, You're A Twerp. Later, people will often regard you as having "defined" the current decade.
Beware of partaking in Zoroastrian rituals, today. Particularly if you're not entirely certain what's involved.
You will get one of those pre-mixed salads in a new high-tech bag that "breathes." Or, in this case, wheezes.
Today you will find the word "impecunious" popping unbidden into your mind, at regular intervals. Eventually, you'll go look it up in the dictionary.
Nothing especially remarkable will happen today. You will get a strange urge to talk like Ziggy Marley, but it will pass.
You will become trapped in the sofa, again. People will point and laugh.
Beware of galoots, today.
You're fussing with your hair too much. Perhaps you should temporarily cut back on shampoo. Or at least demand real poo.
Today you will discover that you are capable of "channelling", when you start spouting ancient sumerian curses at a short little dweeb who cuts you off in traffic. You will start taking notes in cuneiform. |
I really like these, so glad you posted it.
LOL
Hi funny girl! Thats a great horoscope! I am Aries....nightmares tonight~~LOL~~