Posted on 05/31/2008 9:24:57 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady
I’ve just seen Sex and the City and now I’m going to review it. There will be spoilers. If you’re still waiting with baited breath to see this movie (a description that I doubt applies to many Freepers) don’t read any further unless you’ve already guessed that it’s going to be pretty much like a Jane Austen story but with gratuitous sex scenes, designer clothes, and a plethora of clichéd observations about life and love. In other words, a happy ending, and no one dies.
I should say right away, I was expecting someone to die because I’d overheard a rumor a month ago that the movie was going to have a lot of huge surprises, and it might be that someone dies. So through the whole movie I kept waiting for Mr. Big (who is indeed getting portly) to have a heart attack. Alas, he didn’t.
I should also admit I never watched the series. I saw about five minutes of it once, enough to see that Carrie’s needy pursuit of an unavailable man, Mr. Big, was painful and pathetic to watch, and that Samantha was a trollop. Beyond that I knew nothing, and my friend who accompanied me to the movie had to spend the first ten minutes whispering, “That’s Miranda, she’s bitter… that’s Charlotte, she’s the romantic… Oh, Big has put Carrie through a LOT over the years…”
So perhaps I’m in a good position to assess the movie objectively, as I have no attachment to the characters. This, then, is what I noticed.
1) Superflous designer porn: Many of the scenes were completely unnecessary from a plot-development point of view. They were merely excuses to show the women trying on designer clothes.
2) Artsy shots: Most of Sarah Jessica’s entrances start with the camera on her shoes, then panning up her long, shapely legs until finally… (reluctantly?), settling on her face. Now, much has been said about her face, but really, the only thing that bothers me is that monstrous wart on her chin. I was in the second row, so that baby was the size of my fist. I do not know why no one has taken her aside and said, “Do not give me the speech about how imperfections make your face unique. Believe me, your face is already plenty unique. Get rid of that wart before I take an exacto knife and do it myself.”
3) Reality level: The movie seemed very much one long female fantasy. That is to say, in it, at least two female characters who have been dumped, toyed with, used, stood up, and otherwise treated in a very cavalier manner by the man of their dreams, finally have the satisfaction of having that man come back to them and say, “I was a fool; you are The One.” I’m no expert, but I have observed over the years that men usually know their One way early in the game. They don’t have to tie her to the bumper car of life and drag her behind it for a year or ten. I think they abandoned the “He’s Just Not That Into You” writer and decided that they’d write the script so that he IS into her, dammit, he IS. He just needs TIME. He has ISSUES. He’s SCARED. But really, you’re The One. Really. You are. And when the time comes, you won’t need that designer wedding dress. Whatever.
4) Gratuitous sex scenes: most of them were played for comic relief, but they were so graphic I actually looked away. I mean, the usual sex scene consists of some sweaty flesh and sinous movement, but these were more of the “Ooo, watch the vigorous humping, look at those buttock clench” style that frankly makes your average cinema writhe seem graceful in comparison.
5) The characters themselves: Honestly? The women were kind of irritating, at least to me, because I didn’t have any built-in loyalty. Charlotte seemed like a nice enough girl, but the rest, oy. Samantha seemed like an aging trollop who is putting on weight and getting increasingly crass. Miranda is so unpleasant I couldn’t understand why anyone married her. Carrie is just on camera way too much. Here’s Carrie trying on old dresses and modeling them. Here’s Carrie trying on wedding dresses and modeling them. Here’s Carrie flinging her hair. Here’s Carrie dying her hair. Here’s Carrie with feathers in her hair. Here’s Carrie crying. Here’s Carrie laughing. Here’s Carrie sleeping. Here is Carrie’s 100th close up. Here’s Carrie’s wart. It’s coming to get you.
6) The characters, part II: the men were … well … Samantha’s boyfriend seems okay. Charlotte’s husband didn’t abuse his three minutes of screen time. Mr. Big is now a heavy set, middle-aged fellow who always seems about to heave a heavy sigh, rub his face tiredly, and go to sleep. The only character I liked was Miranda’s husband, a man who had my sympathies all the way through no matter what he did.
7) The End: no big surprises, really. Sooner or later everyone makes up, or makes a decision that doesn’t surprise anyone. All the women try on more designer dresses, hug each other, squeal, drink cosmos, talk about love, talk about friendship, and then run around New York in spike heeled shoes, flinging their hair. Oh, wait, there is one big surprise. Someone poops their pants. I won’t say who, but I will say that I seemed to be the only one in the theater who didn’t think this was uproarously funny. All in all, I give it a C-. In a word, trite.
I’ll never see the movie, but your review was more entertaining than I recall the original series being.
It's past time for the cast to admit to middle age. I like them, but they're not exactly girls anymore. Kind of the "ladies who do lunch" idea.
If there's a sequel, they better get it done before botox season.
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Looking over it again, I can see that "plot description" is my weak point when it comes to movie reviews. I think it's because I don't want to give it away to those who haven't seen it yet.
Probably a venereal wart that migrated to her face.
I commend your courage in admitting here you watched it.
“Oh yes! The Diane Keaton movie...geez, I don’t even remember the name of it, only that I hated it... HATED it.”
Family Stone..the only good part was when she died. The most detestable family ever portrayed on film.
Because I had trouble deciding who was the bigger whore, Diane or Mandy.
Thanks, your writing is hysterical. Some of the thirty-something women in my office made a huge occasion of seeing this yesterday, complete with dressing to kill, pre-movie cosmos and pedicures, post-movie cosmos, etc., etc. I regretfully declined their invitation.....other plans, you know. I’ll dutifully smile and nod tomorrow when they give the blow by blow descriptions. Seriously, nothing wrong with occasional vacuous entertainment but I knew this one wasn’t for me.
Well the thing is, I've actually READ that "He's just not that into you" book, and it's pretty good. Short, blunt... pretty good. And having read that, I can't help but look at the relationship Carrie and Big have and think, "He's not that into her." What he's into is good food. She makes for a nice companion because she's desperate to please him and let's face it: she doesn't seem to eat so he doesn't have to share the gourmet food with her.
I've never seen a more lackadaisical lover being portrayed on the silver screen as a desirable catch. He seems content to have her around, mildly lonely without her, but little else. Especially when you figure in what my friend told me of their on-again off-again relationship throughout the series. I just can't imagine it takes a man six years to figure out that You Are The One. It looks more like I Guess You're the One Because No One Else is Coming Along and I'm Not Getting Any Younger.
Yeah. Charlotte still looks pretty fresh, but the rest of them need to lay off the bright colors and spiky heels and red lipstick, because acting girlish after a certain point stirs more pity than admiration.
Thank you. That's enough to keep me from seeing this movie, even when it's on TV. Spoiler indeed. I can't imagine what kind of sicko writer thought that would be funny.
From your description this show is everything I thought it was and therefore am basking in a blissfully ignorant glow of having never seen the show.
I like to contemplate the bigger issues of life, such as, is a show like this even worthy of the attention of a perfect lady? ;)
Great review! I wouldn’t see the movie if you held me at gunpoint ... well, maybe I would, because I like to see clothes ... but now I know enough to nod wisely when the women waiting at gymnastics class talk about it.
I’m sad to hear that Chris Noth is getting fat. I loved him in the early years of “Law & Order.” Never thought he’d age well, though. My unFReeped spouse, on the other hand, improves every year!
But this sentence of yours is hilarious...
"I'm no expert, but I have observed over the years that men usually know their One way early in the game. They don't have to tie her to the bumper car of life and drag her behind it for a year or ten."
If that sentence were true in TV land, the show would have run for one season and not six.
Noth seems slow in a lot of regards. He still hasn’t married his girlfriend who gave him a child this year.
Typical of actors, unfortunately. Obviously he doesn't have to marry her, like so many others.
Dang, I just googled his bio ... he's 54! Holding up ok for that age, I guess.
It's not. But one of my two best friends LOVES it, and was talking sadly of having to go see it alone, because we other two probably wouldn't want to.... and I said, "Okay. I'll go."
I'm on vacation and getting a little bored, so... what the heck.
Well, he's not in Alec Baldwin land yet, but he's definitely gotten thick in the waist and neck, and his lips are getting that slack look... yeah, he's gettin' kind of sloppy. But then, he is 53.
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