Posted on 03/22/2008 4:01:37 PM PDT by rhema
This won’t exactly disillusion me about either player, but I’ve just had one cherished punch line—about which fabled mediocrity battered which Hall of Fame pitcher at will, or close enough thereto—absolutely demolished.
You may have seen me write of it before. So I’m here to tell you I was just as wrong to repeat it over the years as Thomas Boswell was to record it and Jeff Torborg was to say it twenty years ago, almost.
In his prime, Sandy Koufax found one hitter almost impossible to retire. Koufax and catcher Jeff Torborg held many confabs discussing selection of pitches to this nefarious fellow, who once hit two home runs in a game and built a .400 average against the Dodger southpaw. “We tried everything. Curves and fastballs. In, out, up, down. Nothing worked. Bob Uecker owned Sandy Koufax.”
—Thomas Boswell, “One if by Fastball,” Washington Post, 27 August 1987; republished in The Heart of the Order. (New York: Doubleday, 1989; 363 pages.)
Now, bear in mind that I still think Bob Uecker’s was one of the funniest Hall of Fame induction speeches of them all. (You had to see it to believe Willie Mays laughing himself to tears during that speech.) And I still think there was no more elegant assassin on the mound than Sandy Koufax. But unless he ever held a mortgage on any piece of property bought by the master, Uecker owned Koufax about as firmly as I own a Boeing 787.
Uecker faced Koufax forty-one times, going 7-for-38 with three walks (and they weren’t on the house), for a .184 batting average, a .244 on-base percentage, and a .316 slugging percentage. Somehow, Uecker managed to hit two doubles and one bomb off Koufax. We’ll assume Koufax made at least three mistakes against Uecker. There can be no other plausible explanation for Bob Uecker hitting fourteen percent of his lifetime home runs on Sandy Koufax’s dime.
What Torborg omitted from his comment to Boswell was that he was speaking in terms of a single season. In 1965—Torborg’s rookie season, the year Koufax went 26-8 with his then-record 382 punchouts (and Torborg got to catch Koufax’s perfect game)—Uecker did own the Hall of Famer: Uecker did hit .400 against Koufax that season—6-for-15 with four singles, a double, and the lone bomb and lone two runs batted in against him.
You can just hear Uecker saying it only goes to show that even Goliath showed his weak spot and it was up to you to catch it while the showing lasted. In 1966, when Koufax went 27-9/312/1.73 ERA, Uecker couldn’t catch it with a canyon. In eighteen 1966 plate appearances against Koufax, he had one hit, two walks, four punchouts, grounded into one double play, and a .063 season’s batting average.
You tell me which way of telling the story is going to keep you alive on the rubber chicken rounds.
One of the things I miss most about the absence of the old Elias Baseball Analyst, which was once published annually for general consumption (”[It] contains,” George F. Will observed, “all the information Americans should be required to master before they are granted the right to vote”), was its statistical notations on individual position players and pitchers and whom, based on those notations, they loved most and hated most to face.
Thinking of that, then uniting it to the Uecker-Koufax conundrum, I took a look at how—where the stats were available—the pitching staff of the Hall of Fame did in terms of whom they loved most and hated most to face. You may see a surprise or three in there. You may not. It’s up to you for now.
Listing them in alphabetical order (with one exception); based mostly on fifty plate appearances or more (I cut a relief pitcher or two a break and went lower, for what I hope might be the obvious reasons, though one of those kind of surprised me considering how long his career was and how long his outings tended to be in his heyday); and, listing the hitters’ stats against by (in order) batting average, on-base percentage, and slugging percentage against . . . here they are. And if you’d like to know who Mr. I Must Be In The Front Row really owned, based on the foregoing order, stick around.
Jim Bunning—Loved to face: Marty Keough (.104; .259; .229). Hated to face: Matty Alou (.433; .452; .500).
Steve Carlton—Loved to face: Marty Perez (.111; .138; .190). Hated to face: Jesus Alou (.436; .476; .564).
Don Drysdale—Loved to face: Bob Lillis (.122; .157; .163). Hated to face: Joe Cunningham (.434; .500; .660).
Dennis Eckersley—Loved to face: Frank White (.082; .115; .102). Hated to face: Jorge Orta (.500; .527; .800).
Rollie Fingers—Since he only faced one man as many as fifty times, I ran Fingers by hitters with 30 or more plate appearances. Loved to face: Aurelio Rodriguez (.135; .154; .216). Hated to face: Jeff Burroughs (.348; .380; .543).
Whitey Ford—Loved to face: Jim Gentile (.115; .217; .231). Hated to face: Jerry Adair (.385; .394; .600).
Bob Gibson—Loved to face: Tony Perez (.121; .148; .190). Hated to face: Rico Carty (.389; .460; .444).
Goose Gossage (30 or more PA)—Loved to face: Al Bumbry (.067; .125; .100). Hated to face: Carl Yastrzemski (.375; .488; .469).
Catfish Hunter—Loved to face: Aurelio Rodriguez (.123; .134; .198). Hated to face: Don Buford (.364; .434; .545).
Ferguson Jenkins—Loved to face: Hal Lanier (.104; .140; .188). Hated to face: Rod Carew (.362; .403; .603).
Sandy Koufax—Loved to face: Harvey Kuenn (.114; .135; .143). Hated to face: Bill Virdon (.400; .466; .480).
Juan Marichal—Loved to face: Randy Hundley (.102; .200; .163). Hated to face: Orlando Cepeda (.375; .417; .571).
Phil Niekro—Loved to face: Wes Parker (.131; .145; .213). Hated to face: Andre Dawson (.418; .460; .491).
Jim Palmer—Loved to face: Carlos May (.111; .208; .127). Hated to face: Doug Griffin (.362; .426; .404).
Gaylord Perry—Loved to face: George Scott (..043; .118; .043). Hated to face: Joe Rudi (.388; .446; .672).
Robin Roberts—Loved to face: Johnny Logan (.154; .179; .200). Hated to face: Carl Yastrzemski (.444; .510; .644).
Nolan Ryan—Loved to face: Freddie Patek (.123; .265; .160). Hated to face: Dick Allen (.364; .567; .682).
Tom Seaver—Loved to face: Dal Maxvill (.087; .143; .109). Hated to face: Dave Concepcion (.391; .491; .478).
Warren Spahn—Loved to face: Charley Neal (.106; .160; .128). Hated to face: Roberto Clemente (.471; .486; .721).
Bruce Sutter—Loved to face: Andre Dawson (.204; .273; .265). Hated to face: Gary Carter (.356; .453; .622).
Don Sutton—Loved to face: Manny Trillo (.089; .140; .089). Hated to face: Ralph Garr (.426; .439; .590).
Hoyt Wilhelm—Loved to face: Tony Kubek (.128; .212; .234). Hated to face: Al Kaline (.348; .429; .606).
Early Wynn—Loved to face: Jim Lemon (.115; .148; .212). Hated to face: Yogi Berra (.373; .440; .522).
Grover Cleveland Alexander—Loved to face: Jimmy Carter (43,900,000-35,500,000, 1980). Hated to face: Gerald Ford (1,070-1,187, 1976).
I’m not necessarily a betting man, even if I do live a mere fifteen minutes from the Las Vegas Strip now. But I’m willing to place a couple here. Such bets as that you may not have thought there’d be as many as seven Hall of Fame hitters who’d turn up among those among whom a few Hall of Fame pitchers might have hated to face, with not one of those hitters being named Aaron, Banks, Brett, Gwynn, Mantle, Mays, Ripken, Robinson (Jackie, Brooks, or Frank), Schmidt, or Williams.
Such bets as that you may not have suspected there’d be even one Hall of Fame hitter on any of the aforesaid pitchers’ loves-to-face list; or, that it’d be Tony Perez warming the cockles of Bob Gibson’s heart. (Wouldn’t it be fun to have available the stats that would tell us whom, say, Jack Chesbro, Bob Feller, Burleigh Grimes, Lefty Grove, Walter Johnson, Bob Lemon, Ted Lyons, Christy Mathewson, Hal Newhouser, Kid Nichols, and Cy Young loved and hated to face?)
Such bets as that you may not have thought Carl Yastrzemski would turn up tops on the hate-to-face list of two Hall of Fame pitchers.
Such bets as that you may not have suspected two out of the three Alou brothers would turn up on different pitchers’ hate-to-face lists . . . and that Felipe (who was a hell of a player in his day) wouldn’t be one of them.
Such bets as that you may not have suspected Kirk Gibson—who hit a dramatic World Series home run off each man—wasn’t even close to being the one man either Dennis Eckersley or Goose Gossage hated most to face.
Such bets as that you wouldn’t have expected any of the aforesaid gentlemen to have his most loved-to-face and most hated-to-face each be a former teammate. (The answer: Juan Marichal.)
Such bets as that you may not have suspected whom Sandy Koufax really hated to face, even if you may not be surprised by whom he really loved to face. (You probably suspected, though, that there must have a reason why Harvey Kuenn ended up the final out in two of Koufax’s four no-no’s, including the 1965 perfecto. So what on earth were two of Kuenn’s managers thinking—or were they thinking?—when they let him face Koufax in those situations, once as a pinch hitter.)
While I was at it, I thought it would be fun to look at those men pitching today with the likeliest future ticket to Cooperstown, too. Here they are:
Tom Glavine—Loves to face: Brad Ausmus (.102; .170; .143). Hated to face: Mike Redmond (.438; .471; .604).
Randy Johnson—Loved to face: Rickey Henderson (.115; .393; .164—bear in mind the fat OBP comes in decent part from Henderson wringing the Big Unit for 28 lifetime walks in 89 plate appearances . . . and not one of them was on the house; the Man of Steal batted 7-for-61 against him otherwise). Hated to face: Randy Velarde (.408; .473; .490).
Greg Maddux—Loved to face: Darren Fletcher (.152; .180; .196). Hates to face: Geoff Jenkins (.426; .483; .574).
The Mariano (based on 30 plate appearances)—Loved to face: Johnny Damon (.194; .256; .250). Hated to face: Rafael Palmeiro (.333; .471; .556).
Johan Santana—Loved to face: Paul Konerko (.143; .250; .304). Hated to face: Magglio Ordonez (.391; .455; .870).
Curt Schilling—Loved to face: Andres Gallaraga (.120; .185; .200). Hated to face: Julio Lugo (.365; .365; .673).
Stop me if you’re not slightly shocked that the big reason Johan Santana might be happy to have left the American League is that—pending the net results of the coming pennant races, of course—he won’t have Magglio Ordonez to kick him around anymore.
Which reminds me that maybe fair is fair, and I ought to look at some of the Hall of Fame hitters’ love-hate lists . . .
Hank Aaron—Loved to face: Dick Ellsworth (.433; .459; .761). Hated to face: Bob Gibson (.215; .278; .423).
Luis Aparicio—Loved to face: Ralph Terry (.368; .389; .448). Hated to face: Dave Boswell (.091; .167; .091).
Ernie Banks—Loved to face: Johnny Antonelli (.385; .429; .808). Hated to face: Bob Veale (.104; .169; .104).
Johnny Bench—Loved to face: Steve Renko (.385; .458; .615). Hated to face: Larry Dierker (.143; .239; .270).
Yogi Berra—Loved to face: Tom Brewer (.404; .483; .596). Hated to face: Camilo Pascual (.149; .240; .209).
George Brett—Loved to face: Ed Figueroa (.592; .611; .898). Hated to face: Jimmy Key (.180; .189; .320).
Gary Carter—Loved to face: Craig Swan (.307; .407; .672). Hated to face: Joe Niekro (.138; .261; .224).
Roberto Clemente—Loved to face: Denny Lemaster (.476; .529; .833). Hated to face: Bob Purkey (.195; .247; .230).
Carlton Fisk—Loved to face: Jesse Jefferson (.348; .392; .587). Hated to face: Jack Morris (.141; .222; .281).
Nellie Fox—Loved to face: Chuck Stobbs (.358; .418; .500). Hated to face: Billy O’Dell (.143; .231; .229).
Tony Gwynn—Loved to face: Doug Drabek (.469; .480; .694). Hated to face: Dwight Gooden (.243; .312; .314).
Reggie Jackson—Loved to face: Doc Medich (.409; .481; .636). Hated to face: Dave Steib (.116; .309; .186).
Al Kaline—Loved to face: Art Ditmar (.408; .473; .633). Hated to face: Ray Moore (.190; .265; .262).
Harmon Killebrew—Loved to face: Dick Hall (.372; .471; .655). Hated to face: Vida Blue (.130; .266; .296).
Mickey Mantle—Loved to face: Hank Aguirre (.490; .567; .878). Hated to face: Jim Perry (.133; .264; .383).
Eddie Mathews—Loved to face: Robin Roberts (.398; .427; .704). Hated to face: Jim Bunning (.122; .280; .171).
Willie Mays—Loved to face: Ray Washburn (.429; .500; .619). Hated to face: Jerry Koosman (.119; .260; .381).
Willie McCovey—Loved to face: Steve Blass (.432; .528; 1.068). Hated to face: Andy Messersmith (.136; .278; .205).
Paul Molitor—Loved to face: Erik Hanson (.482; .525; .683). Hated to face: Dave Stewart (.196; .351; .348—this could be a candidate for the greatest all-or-nothing stat line, but I’m not sure off the top of my head).
Joe Morgan—Loved to face: Tony Cloninger (.455; .583; .864). Hated to face: Gary Nolan (.157; .275; .227).
Eddie Murray—Loved to face: Doug Drabek (.420; .482; .640). Hated to face: Bruce Hurst (.146; .202; .305).
Stan Musial—Loved to face: Don Cardwell (.408; .492; .755). Hated to face: Joey Jay (.191; .296; .213).
Kirby Puckett—Loved to face: Frank Tanana (.426; .467; .729). Hated to face: Dave Steib (.209; .239; .254).
Cal Ripken, Jr.—Loved to face: Kevin Appier (.381; .409; .524). Hated to face: Doyle Alexander (.153; .167; .322).
Brooks Robinson—Loved to face: Jack Kralick (.443; .439; .639). Hated to face: George Brunet (.118; .233; .118).
Frank Robinson—Loved to face: Earl Wilson (.439; .492; .842). Hated to face: Catfish Hunter (.147; .233; .255).
Ryne Sandberg—Loved to face: Bill Gullickson (.397; .403; .603). Hated to face: Eric Show (.130; .175; .241).
Mike Schmidt—Loved to face: Jerry Reuss (.411; .504; .863). Hated to face: Don Robinson (.150; .311; .433).
Red Schoendienst—Loved to face: Don Drysdale (.403; .422; .508). Hated to face: Harvey Haddix (.194; .188; .194).
Duke Snider—Loved to face: Don Cardwell (.348; .434; .717). Hated to face: Bob Buhl (.200; .329; .333).
Willie Stargell—Loved to face: Joe Niekro (.421; .426; .842). Hated to face: Ray Sadecki (.060; .096; .060).
Billy Williams—Loved to face: Jerry Reuss (.477; .574; .795). Hated to face: Jim Maloney (.185; .303—lots of walks here and only one on the house; .432—this, too, may be one of the great all-or-nothing tallies).
Ted Williams—The full picture isn’t complete, but here’s what comes from what is known based on fifty plate appearances. Loved to face: Jim Bunning (” . . . and his little shit slider!” as Jim Bouton has quoted Teddy Ballgame: .375; .478; .839). Hated to face: Dick Donovan (.314; .397; .451).
Dave Winfield—Loved to face: John (The Count) Montefusco (.442; .463; .660). Hated to face: Joe Niekro (.200; .333; .291).
Carl Yastrzemski—Loved to face: Blue Moon Odom (.447; .574; .830). Hated to face: Gaylord Perry (.161; .247; .218).
Robin Yount—Loved to face: Mike Flanagan (.443; .465; .747). Hated to face: Ed Figueroa (.176; .176; .196).
Did even your most fevered imaginings picture that Mike Schmidt would hit better against his favourite patsy than Ted Williams might against his, even allowing that the Splinter’s was a Hall of Famer and Schmidt’s wasn’t? And who would ever figure George Brett would treat Ed Figueroa like a personal pinata but Robin Yount couldn’t hit him with a hangar door?
But I’m also willing to bet there isn’t a hitter alive who wouldn’t be counting the days to his Cooperstown enshrinement if he hit overall—never mind against the one guy who gives him the most comparative grief—the way Ted Williams hit Dick Donovan.
And you may care to note that of all the hitters listed only one (Eddie Mathews) has a Hall of Famer at the top of his loved-to-face and his hated-to-face list.
OK, let’s get it out of the way—if only because, invariably, there’ll be someone demanding to know why anyone’s talking about a Hall of Fame that isn’t a legitimate Hall of Fame (never mind the rules, the ones the Hall has every right to make and the ones he broke and lied about for all those years) without him in it.
Pete Rose—Loved to face: Pete Falcone (.415; .474; .508). Hated to face: Sandy Koufax (.175; .217; .193).
By the way, the man Bob Uecker really owned faced him forty-one times, allowing Uecker to go 9-for-36 with five walks against him (and would you believe two of those passes came on the house?), with one less double than against Koufax but the same number of bombs. Uecker didn’t have his highest slugging percentage against him (that dishonour belongs to Wade Blasingame, against whom Uecker slugged .412), but never mind. Taken overall, Bob Uecker owned . . . Dick Ellsworth.
Which I’m sure makes for some fascinating conversation and a few cute self-deprecating punch lines, whenever Ellsworth’s grandchildren ask yet again about the days Grandpa pitched in the big leagues.
But I’d love to know how often Koufax and his catchers kicked around ways and means to make Bill Virdon behave himself. Of course, you won’t see Virdon in long-enough-running situation comedies, baseball broadcast booths, or bringing down the house in laughter with his Hall of Fame induction speech any time soon.
And if you’re a paid-in-full member of Red Sox Nation, you’re slightly shocked, I’m sure, that—laying the B.F. Dent playoff game aside—Goose Gossage normally would have chosen a castor oil on the rocks over facing Carl Yastrzemski.
Yaz just got under that ball...had a great swing at it!! Missed it by that much (a gnats ass).
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