Fresh from the shower, my wife stands in front of the mirror complaining to me that her breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, I
uncharacteristically come up with a suggestion. ‘If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.’
Willing to try anything, she fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. ‘How long will this take?’ she asked.
‘They will grow larger over a period of years,’ I reply.
She stopped. ‘Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?’
Without missing a beat I say ‘Worked for your butt, didn't it?’
I'm still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, I may even walk again,
Although I will probably continue to take my meals through a straw.
I'm a stupid, stupid man.