LOL!
ping
Thanks for the laugh
ping
Happy Friday!!! Well, almost here on the east coast.
Great post.
Cheers!
Ha! That’s a good one!
Things that are difficult to say when drunk....
The Value of a Drink
“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re
going to feel all day. “
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~! ~~~~~~~ ~~
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all
get drunk and go to heaven!”
~ Brian O’R ourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
~ Benjamin Franklin
“Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.”
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. < B>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some i t’ s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNIN G: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here’s how it went...
“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving b y the regular! killin g of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can onl y operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it att acks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
What is your opinion on processes such as partitioning of solutes between immiscible solvents, the solubility of drugs, micellisation and drug-receptor interaction all being treated in thermodynamic terms?
It's a hoot at Dennys at 3AM..
/s
Also the things that President George W. Bush can’t say even when he is sober.
"Analog To Digital Converter"
hows about “ Honey, is something troubling you tonight? Do you think we should talk about it?”
Why no, ossifer, I was not under the alcofluence of incohol!
Goonevnin ocifer, I’m not as think as you drunk I am. I’ve only had tee martoonies. Nod to wuwie, I hab all day sober to sunday up.
How To Cook A Turkey
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch)
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for hours
Step 14: Test the lurkey for numbness
Step 15: Take the oven out of the lurkey
Step 16: Floor the lurkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself nuther scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of
turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
Fun thread all around, gonna fwd all these!
I say cinnamon and cinema like thinammon and thinema to my wife and kids just to be funny, when I’m SOBER!
Pinging for your contributions!