Kabobing?
I wouldn’t do that to my horrible army of myrmidions!
I’d film enough footage for darkmail purposes and then use the evidence to persuade them to join me.
You think that’s a squirrel (or something more sinister) in the first scene? Check this very funny video out before you ask a furry critter to ride with you, or try kabobing again: http://www.floppingaces.net/2008/07/31/the-is-it-friday-yet-funny/