Dimensional Door - Freeople Thread 34

Today | Me

[Darlin']

A Post Turtle:

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to politics and Obama's bid to be President.

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a post turtle'.

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old rancher said, 'When you 're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there.'

[Lady Jag]

[Darlin']

FOFLOL. From today's email inbox. I thought about just sending it to gran for her grandaughter but then decided everyone would get a laugh.

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The Dubious Benefits of Sarcasm

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a few minutes and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Moral to this story:
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.

[Darlin']

FOFLOL. He is gonna fall off that post.

[sweetliberty]

[Lady Jag]

You aren't too corrigible yourself!

Besides, we all like to be snappy.

Is the guy who put the snapper on the post an idiot?
Or what?

[sweetliberty]

Hey y'all. Been awhile. I've been grumpy for an extended time, but spring seems to have finally arrived, I'm on vacation and Tyler is visiting, so things are great at the moment. Tyler is bigger than I am now....taller, bigger feet and within a few pounds of weight....and he's only 10! What's everybody got going on these days? Obviously, Gran has a new addition to the family.

Been out doing some hiking. Even been on a bike ride or two. You might say we've been getting a little rain this year. The whole northwest section of the state is waterlogged.

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[null and void]

Ahhhhhhh Spring!

Time to work on my moves....

[Lady Jag]

There aren’t enought snapping turtles for the amount of coffee you drink.

Bet I’ve been closer to a snapping turtle than you have.

[Lady Jag]

Wow! looks like it's time to buy a boat. We got a lot of rain but it didn't stay on top of the ground.

Glad to hear you finally have spring fever.

[Lady Jag]

I was down by the river on Bridge Street harvesting plants for my goldfish pond when I slipped and fell into the swift moving river and whacked the shell of the second biggest snapper I have ever seen weighed 30-40 pounds. Man can those bass turds swim! The current was fast and I was with the turtle for a couple seconds. It’s definitely an impressive experience.

[null and void]

I caught one that weighed about 20 lbs.

The tail makes a good handle...

[Lady Jag]

Sometimes they’re hard to put down.

I’ve never picked one up but I saw a friend pick up a snapper and a woodchuck by their tail.

Ever offer a branch to a snapper? They have a jaw dropping bite.

[null and void]

Putting it down on the other side of a fence wasn’t too bad.