Should the time come when it seems appropriate to attempt friendship with a cat, I’ve found it best to simply extend one finger several inches away from its face and hold it there for 10 seconds or more. I’ve had amazing luck with that technique, actually. Most cats have warmed up to me in time as the result.
One finger isn’t as threatening as an entire hand. It’s also possible that doing that signals respect or at least that the situation will be on their terms, which is fine with me. Cats aren’t dogs. Thay have absolutely no interest in being controlled or forced to do anything they’re not ready to do. All of which is just fine with me.
Good luck with new kitty! I always keep a newbie separate from the clan for a few days. Seems the transitions are simpler when everyone has had the opportunity to adjust to the scent or scents of unfamiliar cats, yet nothing bad has happened. There may still be grumbling for a day or two when they are introduced, but at least it avoids bloody wars.
You know the old adage "eyes are mirrors of the soul." Well, I think they are more the windows. Let me explain ... I've spent a lot of time in the wild observing and photographing animals. When you make eye contact with an animal, it sends a signal ... am I prey or are you prey. And if you stare an animal down, not releasing your gaze from them for a moment, they think that there is danger and survival instinct kicks in. But if you release your gaze, become casual about it, the animal relaxes and you have a better chance of it sticking around rather than fleeing in fear. This can be a special moment too, when the commonality of all sentient beings is expressed by that spirit that is the window to a soul through eye contact. ;-D
Keeping the newbie separate and in one room with all he/she needs gives ‘em the opportunity to ‘buy-in’ to this new situation so that they’re not easily chased off. The newbie will then at least have the opportunity to feel as if the new place is just as much THEIR territory and home as the oldies, and as RFF says, gives them all a chance to sniff each other safely under the door with no blood shed! And if you take the dishes that the newbie has eaten out of and the dishes that the old hands have eaten out of and exchange them, the scent of each other becomes familiar as well. Toys, too. Exchange from room to room the toys or blankies used. It all helps with the introductions!
“Should the time come when it seems appropriate to attempt friendship with a cat, I’ve found it best to simply extend one finger several inches away from its face and hold it there for 10 seconds or more.”
I’ve tried that but the cats never know what the middle finger means. :)