Publicist: Lindsay and Brittany have really eaten into your press coverage with their latest breakdowns. Some polling data suggests the nation is tiring of such petty antics. We did some focus group work and determined that the best course for you to increase your visibility and marketability is either to have sex with a sperm whale on national television or to have a baby.
Paris: Oh God, not the sperm whale again . . .
Yeah, I guess the baby-solution doesn’t work so well with celebrities. Too much evidence... their past really stays with them.