[granite]

Bono, the lead singer of the band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.
Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice with a broad Scottish accent, from the front of the crowd, pierces the quiet ............

"Well, foockin stop doin it then!"
 

[LadyBuzz]

THE PERFECT DRESS

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement — not even her parents’ nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her step mom to exchange it, but she refused. “Absolutely not I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, “Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.”

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, “Aren’t you going to return the
other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.”

Her mother just smiled and replied, “Of course I do, dear. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.”