Store owner: Sister Mary, you know we don’t sell to nuns.
Nun: oh, this is for Mother Superior, she has bad case of constipation, and we think this will do the trick.
Store owner: Sure sister..here ya go.
about half hour later, store owner hears a lotta singing and carrying-on outside his shop.
Sure enough, Sister Mary is tanked to the gills.
Store owner: Sister Mary ! I thought you said this was for Mother Superior’ s constipation !
Nun: It is. When Mother Superior gets a load of me, she’s gunna sh$t.
Subject: ATM MACHINES
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
“Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been
developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.”
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the
machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Mental anxiety,
Mental breakdowns,
Menstrual cramps,
Menopause...
Did you ever notice how all our problems begin with MEN!
_____
Study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her life cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his forehead while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.