GORILLA MATING
A small zoo in Arkansas had a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to
handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem: the
gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male
gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee
Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the
animal cages.
Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample
ability to satisfy a female of any species.
The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution.
Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing
to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the
matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he
would accept their offer, but only under four conditions.
1. “First”, Bobby Lee said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.”
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
2. “Second”, he said, “You can’t never tell no one about this.”
The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
3. “Third”, Bobby Lee said, “I want all the chil’run raised
Southern Baptist.”
Once again, the Keeper agreed.
4. “And last of all,” Bobby Lee stated, “You gotta give me another
week to come up with the $500.00.”
This went on for years, each day the man storming down to the bank and yelling his threat across creek. One day the government pushed through a road and bridged the creek about a quarter of a mile upstream from the man's house. But that didn't change his routine. Each morning he would still go down to the creek and yell, "Clarence! One of these days I'm gonna come over there and kick your ass!"
Finally his wife had had enough. After years of listening to him, she pointed out that now he had a way across the creek and could now go over there and do what he'd been threatening. In a huff, the man agreed and stormed off down the road towards the bridge. About ten minutes later the man returned, much subdued. Did he kick Clarence's ass, she asked? To which the may replied, "No." "Why not," his wife asked, "You've been threateing to to for years?" "Well, " the man said, "I set out to. Then as I was acrossing that thar bridge I looked up and saw a sign that said 'Clearance 14 feet 5 inches.' I never imagined the sumbitch was so tall."