A Washington , DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of
why our country is in trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so
that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an
airplane!)
2. I got a call from a candidate’s staffer, who wanted to go to
Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information, then she interrupted me with, “I’m not trying to make you
look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts ..” Without trying to
make her look stupid, I calmly explained,” Cape Cod is in Massachusetts ,
Capetown is in Africa .” . . . Her response - click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida
package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He
said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that’s
not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He
replied, “Don’t lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida< /st1:State is a very thin
state!” (OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife who asked, “Is it possible
to see England from Canada ?” I said, “No.” She said, “But they look
so close on the map.” (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could
rent a car in Dallas . When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he
had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas .. When I asked him why he wanted to
rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will
need a car to drive between gates to save time.” (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know
how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 AM got
to Chicago at 8:33 am. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of
Ill inois, but she couldn’t understand the concept of time zones.
Finally,I told her the plane went really fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, “Do airlines put your
physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to
whom?”
I said, “No, why do you ask?” She replied, “Well, when I checked in
with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I’m
overweight. I think that’s very rude!” After putting her on hold for
a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing). I came back and
explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal),and
the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
8. A Senator’s aide called to inquire about a trip package to
Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be
cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii ?”
9.I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked,
“How do I know which plane to get on?”I asked him what exactly he
meant, to which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of
these planes have numbers on them.”
10. A lady Senator called and said,”I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola,
Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?” I
asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl.on a commuter plane.
She said, “Yeah, whatever, smarty!”
11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents
he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about
passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. “Oh, no I don’t. I’ve
been to China many times and never had to have one of those.”I double
checked,and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him
this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time
they have accepted my American Express!”
12. A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, “I
want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .” I was at a loss for words.
Finally, I said, “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?” “Yes,
what flights do you have?” replied the lady. After some searching, I
came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in
the country and can’t find a Rhino anywhere.” The lady retorted, “Oh,
don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!” So I
scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t
mean Buffalo, do you?”
The reply? “Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.”
Where to Live After Retirement
You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!
You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
Will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought
You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from
Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature,”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own
language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin’” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.
You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at
the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at?”
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was
different!”
AND You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
