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Americans Now Too Stupid To Name Own Children
Gawker.com ^ | 6/27/07 | Staff

Posted on 06/27/2007 7:56:35 AM PDT by Millee

Self-obsessed parents-to-be have one more thing to worry about: What to name the little testament to themselves once Mommy poops it out. You don't want your little angel to be like every other Madison in her class. The solution? Baby-naming consultants.

Last fall, John Bentham, 36, a Las Vegas theater producer, and his wife, Shannon, 29, who runs a nonprofit foundation, says they felt "enormous pressure" to find a strong-sounding boy name. "I wanted a name that would look good on a marquee or a political banner," Mrs. Bentham says. Though they had agreed on the letter "j," none of the names they came up with -- Jude, Julian, Jake, Jason, or John Jr. -- seemed original enough. They hired Ms. Walker and Mr. Reyes, who produced an 11-page list of possibilities, including Jackson. In March, the Benthams welcomed little Jackson Dean into the world.

Walker and Reyes are a couple who offer "name consultations and workshops," and charge you fifty dollars a pop to help make sure that your Paolo isn't some pedestrian Paul. One California woman dropped nearly $500 to have a numerologist make sure the name she chose had "positive associations." Parents of America, we implore you: Save your money for the nursing home you're going to need when your offspring, bitter about a lifetime of "Anderson"ness, refuses to take you in during your declining years.


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To: Owl_Eagle
"If you want a strong, powerful, masculine name, you can't do any better than Gaylord."

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121 posted on 06/28/2007 3:24:39 AM PDT by neb52
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To: del4hope

My Grandfather’s name was Esther. He went by Mac.


122 posted on 06/28/2007 3:55:55 AM PDT by neb52
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To: Nea Wood
It won't seem strange by then because "Brittney" will be an "old lady name," just like Edith, Lois, or Madge are today.

Yeah, but Edith, Lois and Madge don't have tramp stamps and tongue piercings like most of the Brittneys of today.

123 posted on 06/28/2007 6:01:18 AM PDT by Anitius Severinus Boethius
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To: Anitius Severinus Boethius

I’m afraid to ask what a “tramp stamp” is. :-)


124 posted on 06/28/2007 6:28:24 AM PDT by Nea Wood (I'm not a bad Christian because I refuse to join you in giving other people's stuff away.)
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To: Nea Wood

Lower back tattoo. A catchy little name that speaks clearly to the situation.


125 posted on 06/28/2007 6:46:36 AM PDT by Anitius Severinus Boethius
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To: grey_whiskers
LOL! I remember my horse laugh when I watched Diamonds Are Forever in 1971 and heard that dialog.
126 posted on 06/28/2007 9:41:59 AM PDT by jonrick46
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To: Holicheese; RockinRight

How about Buford? Or Chester?


127 posted on 06/28/2007 11:42:20 AM PDT by Froufrou
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