”Mullah” Peter Gibbons: Before we go any further, all right, we have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this but us, all right? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody.
Samir: Of course.
Michael “Mohammed” Bolton: Agreed
Lawrence Zulu: [from the next office through the wall] Don't worry, man. I won't tell anyone either.
Michael “Mohammed” Bolton: Who the F is that?
”Mullah” Peter Gibbons: Uh, don't worry about them. There’re cool.
Meanwhile….
”Mullah” Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob “Chemical Ali” Porter: Don't... don't care?
”Mullah” Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my camel off and al-Qaida ships a few extra suicide bombers, I don't see another virgin; so where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob: I have eight different Mullahs right now.
Bob “Ali Mohammed” Slydell: I beg your pardon?
”Mullah” Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different Mullahs coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be blown up myself; that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get beheaded.
Samir: No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to Allah, one of these days, I just kick this piece of camel doo doo out the window.
Michael “Mohammed” Bolton: You and me both, man. That thing is lucky I'm not armed.
Milton: And I said, I don't care if they behead me either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the camels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the old AK47 to the new AK47, but I kept my old AK47 because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the old rounds and my suicide belt too and it's not okay because if they take my weapon then I'll set the building on fire...
Oh, and remember: next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.
