By the way... this is the moment of truth. This is where 410 pages have led.
In. D.O. Guerrero's mind the last few minutes had been a jumbled blur. He had not fully comprehended everything that Demerest said. But one thing penetrated. He realized that like so many of his other grand designs, this one, too, had failed. Somewhere-as always happened with whatever he attempted-he had bungled. All his life had been a failure. With bitterness, he knew his death would be a failure too.
His back was braced against the inside of the toilet door. He felt pressure on it, and knew that at moment the pressure would increase so that he could no longer hold the door closed. Desperately, he fumbled with the attache case, reaching for the string beneath the handle which would release the square of plastic, actuating the clothespin switch and detonating the dynamite inside. Even as he found the string and tugged, he wondered if the bomb he had made would be a failure also.
In his last split second of life and comprehension, D.O. Guerrero learned it was not.
Reading that... its okay. It's not sit on your seat edge of writing. I already know how the bomb works cause Hailey reminds me every chance he gets. But, it could be a whole lot more exciting.
Yes, that is very flat. There are no details; no smell, touch, etc. Boring. Besides, a ‘jumble’ and a ‘blur’ are not at all the same thing.
Well I looked through some of the Psalms and found no passive voice as far as I could tell so I suppose the translators shifted to active. Although how that would work I don’t know. Do you have any examples?