# . . . you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer. # . . . you say "these are not the beers you are looking for." # . . . that "disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans. # . . . the inside of your house looks more like Dagobah than the outside. # . . . you call your young apprentice, "Juner.(JR.)" # . . . you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up. # . . . the Force isn't the only thing that runs in your family. # . . . you call Hank Williams Jr. "master". # . . . your landspeeder has a gun rack. # . . . you meditate to old CCR records. # . . . you call Yoda your Li'l green buddy. # . . . you have ever said, "Anger...Fear...Aggression...Yankees...the dark side are they." # . . . your X-Wing has a still in it. # . . . your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base. # . . . there is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid. # . . . your robes have the Golden Flour label on them. # . . . you trim your beard and find a Mylock. # . . . you have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill. # . . . you use Jawas for a drink holders. # . . . you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other. # . . . you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck. # . . . you use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your V.D. # . . . you think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth. # . . . you ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit. # . . . your Jedi robe is camouflage colored. # . . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored. # . . . you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. # . . . you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks. # . . . you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets. # . . . you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing / bowling. # . . . your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot." # . . . you have ever had your R2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light. # . . . you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery. # . . . you beat the Gammorean Guard in an "ugly" contest. # . . . your father's name is Garth Vader. # . . . you got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids. # . . . you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin' at your sister. # . . . you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs. # . . . you count B.O. as a Jedi power. # . . . you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.
# . . . Garth Vader is always yellin that his helmut is not yer spit cup.
# . . . your sister's name Prinsueus Lay-em.
ANd your callsign is "Freebird".