Posted on 12/27/2006 7:36:25 PM PST by hsmomx3
My 13 year old daughter received a subpoena to appear in court with regard to a domestic violence assault she witnessed in our home.
However, as I was reading the subpoena, near the bottom it gave the date of the incident. This particular incident was not witnessed by the child listed on the subpoena. Instead, this was witnessed by another child not listed.
Can these charges be dismissed/dropped due to a technicality?
Impossible to say, since such vague info is presented.
Get a lawyer, now.
I'm not a lawyer nor do I play one on TV, but I wouldn't imagine the violence charge would be dropped for this. They'd just need to issue another subpoena for the other witness.
I hope you're not saying that you WANT the charges to be dropped. Alert the court to the error and have them send a corrected subpoena.
No, I was just wondering because you never know how the other side thinks and in this state, domestic abuse charges cannot be dropped.
1. WARNING:
As a shrink, I take an extremely dim view of domestic violence for any rationalization short of stopping a child from jumping into a fireplace or some such--and even then, better to stand between the child and the fireplace.
2. The highest priority is to get the domestic violence STOPPED and appropriate anger management classes completed etc.
3. If restraining orders and separation are in order, so be it though I prefer all such as a last resort. If violence has occurred more than once, maybe it's time for last resort--MIGHT--MIGHT depend on severity and frequency.
4. Violence is not a laughing matter. Violence is not excusable. A mouthy, shrill PMS wound up wife is no excuse for violence. If she's that hard to live with, live elsewhere if violence is the only response or part of a pattern of responses.
5. ANY BODILY CONTACT RISKING SIGNIFICANT DAMAGE; ESPECIALLY LEAVING BRUISES OR LIKELY TO HAVE LEFT BRUISES, CUTS, BROKEN SKIN; BROKEN BONES ETC. . . . IS FAR TOO VIOLENT TO TOLERATE.
6. Legal issues require legal personnel. But often legal personnel are not intereested in healing relationships or individuals but in enriching their own coffers. Check around and find an honorable such lawyer, if there is such in the area.
7. Virtually always, hurt; a sense of being trapped; a sense of being belittled; a tweak on one's pride; selfishness; etc. . . . a pattern of rage from childhood due to childhood abuse/neglect . . . all are usually involved. Usually the current incident is not the total cause. The current incident collects "BLACK STAMPS" from childhood history--usually involving REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER.
8. GET AND READ
ATTACHMENT by Drs Sibsy and Clinton. Absolutely the best I've found with 10 ways to get past the adult traumas generated by poor bonding with healthy parents as 0-8 children.
9. Punching bags, walls, people, pets, TV's, etc. only rehearses and winds up the anger--does not drain it off.
10. Counting to 100; walking around the block. Going to a coffee shop and writing out one's feelings; running; working out; writing out 10 things one likes about the person one is angry at; writing out the long term goals of the relationship; almost anything to delay expression of the anger a least 10-20 minutes is best.
11. If dropping charges would result in more "business as usual" in the violence department--it may be an idiotic thing to do. Such things do not get better on their own/without intervention except in maybe 1 out of 1 million cases--if that often.
12. Peace at any price is rarely peace and virtually never worth the price.
13. Living under constant threat or near constant threat of violence is not living.
14. Deal with the sources, causes of the anger--especially hurt, feeling trapped; feeling belittled; feeling inadequate; feeling useless; feeling hopeless . . . TAKE PRACTICAL, GROWTHFUL, PRODUCTIVE, CONSTRUCTIVE STEPS TO REMOVE THE CAUSES OF SUCH.
15. AND, watch the self-talk. NO ONE--NO PERSON "B" HAS THE POWER TO FORCE/MAKE PERSON "A" ANGRY UNLESS PERSON "A" GIVES PERSON "B" THAT POWER. WE ARE EACH IN CHARGE OF AND RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN EMOTIONS AND OUR OWN RESPONSES TO OUR OWN EMOTIONS.
16. FEELINGS, EMOTIONS--EVEN ANGER--ARE JUST INFORMATION. They may be important information as when our hand gets in a fire--we need to pull it out.
17. BUT EMOTIONS/FEELINGS ARE only TOLERABLE SERVANTS and virtually always TERRIBLE BOSSES/SLAVE DRIVERS. INSURE THAT EMOTIONS SERVE YOU VS YOU SERVE YOUR EMOTIONS. They are only information. Put the information in it's proper place and perspective BEFORE acting on it.
18. Violence is a life/death issue. If not today/tonight; this week; this month . . . then in 1 year; 3 years, 5 years it likely will be. Take effective, decisive, constructive action ASAP. Don't wait.
19. A 2 year old knows how to be violent. Shoot--a 6 month old knows how to be violent--just with limited capacity. Violence is no badge of manhood or maturity. Quite the opposite.
20. There are a number of good websites about anger; anger management; violence etc. DOGPILE.COM those keywords and choose some docs that fit.
Am happy to respond to FREEPERS by FREEPMAIL if they have questions about any of the above.
Depends on whhat date the indictment or accusatory instrument gives, not a subpoena.
Do you want it changed to subpoena the other child or do you want it changed to the appropriate date for this child?
Are you in contact with the DA who issued it? IOW, where did the info come from? If from you, then you can change it.
If it's a domestic violence charge, he might be the defendant.
I would bring both children to court with me. If theres a history of violence in the house they already know it . Normally I wouldn't want a child to go into court as I don't think a child should have to go against a parent or a sibling.... But if you can't have the court clerk fix the papers bring both of them.....Children are more aware of violence then most people give them credit for. They will survive it as long as you get them some help. Best of luck to you.
Thank you so much for sharing your insights!
Nope - hsMOM.
NO, there is no history. This was sudden and a result of an affair and heavy drinking.
My youngest, age 13, cannot remember what happened last April.
She is frightened by the thought of going to court. I told her it was okay, and if she does not remember, be honest as they have her statement which was taken back then.
It came from the city prosecutor's office, and yes, I left them a voice mail about the matter. We'll see what they say.
BS. Make HER live elsewhere.
Fathers, never leave if you have children and ever want to be a father to them. If you do leave, you'll still have to put up with the she-devil but you won't be able to see your kids. She will see to that.
Better yet, take your kids out of state THEN file for divorce and custody.
Do what you can to get the spawn of Satan out of the daily control of their (and your) lives.
Actually, I agree a lot about fathers not leaving their children.
But if the father is the batterer . . . regardless of the stimulus . . . get him out. Why rip the kids from their home.
Thankfully, that's not the situation here. Not at all.
You're right.
As a matter of fact, my cousin's wife called my husband a few weeks ago.
She asked my husband several questions.
She asked him if he still loved me and he said no and she asked why and when he came to this conclusion, and he said he did not know. By the way, our marriage was always very good--no arguing, no fighting-always affectionate.
Then he told her that all he wanted was to be with his kids and she told him to end the affair, move back home and do the right thing. He won't.
I personally think my husband is trapped in a very demonic situation that is out of my hands.
I am no dummy and I think I can see the handwriting on the wall here.
Only God can rescue him.
I am sorry for your troubles. Call the court clerk and explain your child is so frightened and that they have the wrong child listed. Usually the courts are nicer to children if they can be. Good luck and you & the children will be in my prayers ~~Pandora~~
I did just that and really, it is the truth. I told them that my youngest is frightened and cannot remember what happened almost a year ago. She told me that she will have the prosecutor call me to see if we can get this child excused.
That would be great if they did this.
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