Replies

Here's some other fun stuff that happens on flights, also:

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to
> > make the in-flight
> > "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more
> > entertaining. Here are
> > some real examples that have been heard or reported:
> >
> > 1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned
> > seating, you just sit where
> > you want) passengers were apparently having a hard
> > time choosing, when a
> > flight attendant announced, "People, people we're
> > not picking out
> > furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
> >
> > 2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior"
> > flight attendant crew,
> > the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached
> > cruising altitude
> > and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is
> > for your comfort and
> > to enhance the appearance of your flight
> > attendants."
> >
> > 3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure
> > to take all of your
> > belongings. If you're going to leave anything,
> > please make sure it's
> > something we'd like to have."
> >
> > 4. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but
> > there are only 4 ways
> > out of this airplane"
> >
> > 5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
> > hope you enjoyed
> > giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking
> > you for a ride."
> >
> > 6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
> > Ronald Reagan, a lone
> > voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.
> > WHOA!"
> >
> > 7. After a particularly rough landing during
> > thunderstorms in Memphis, a
> > flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced,
> > "Please take care when
> > opening the overhead compartments because, after a
> > landing like that,
> > sure as hell everything has shifted."
> >
> > 8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome
> > aboard Southwest Flight
> > 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the
> > metal tab into the
> > buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every
> > other seat belt; and,
> > if you don't know how to operate one, you probably
> > shouldn't be out in
> > public unsupervised."
> >
> > 9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
> > masks will descend
> > from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and
> > pull it over your
> > face. If you have a small child traveling with you,
> > secure your mask
> > before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling
> > with more than one
> > small child, pick your favorite."
> >
> > 10. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with
> > some broken clouds,
> > but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
> > Thank you, and
> > remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than
> > Southwest
> > Airlines."
> >
> > 11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation;
> > and, in the event of
> > an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore
> > and take them with
> > our compliments."
> >
> > 12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all
> > of your belongings.
> > Anything left behind will be distributed evenly
> > among the flight
> > attendants. Please do not leave children or
> > spouses."
> >
> > 13. And from the pilot during his welcome message:
> > "Delta Airlines is
> > pleased to have some of the best flight attendants
> > in the industry.
> > Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
> >
> > 14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very
> > hard landing in Salt
> > Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom
> > and said, "That was
> > quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking.
> > I'm here to tell you
> > it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's
> > fault, it wasn't
> > the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
> >
> > 15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into
> > Amarillo, Texas, on a
> > particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final
> > approach, the Captain
> > was really having to fight it. After an extremely
> > hard landing, the
> > Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
> > welcome to Amarillo.
> > Please remain in your seats with your seat belts
> > fastened while the
> > Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
> > gate!"
> >
> > 16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less
> > than perfect landing:
> > "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain
> > Kangaroo bounces us to
> > the terminal."
> >
> > 17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular
> > flight he had
> > hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The
> > airline had a policy
> > which required the first officer to stand at the
> > door while the
> > passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks
> > for flying our
> > airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing,
> > he had a hard time
> > looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that
> > someone would have a
> > smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off
> > except for a little old
> > lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you
> > mind if I ask you a
> > question?"
> > "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The
> > little old lady
> > said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
> >
> > 18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix,
> > the attendant came on
> > with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your
> > seats until Capt.
> > Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a
> > screeching halt
> > against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has
> > cleared and the warning
> > bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can
> > pick your way
> > through the wreckage to the terminal."
> >
> > 19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival
> > announcement: "We'd like to
> > thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the
> > next time you get the
> > insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a
> > pressurized metal
> > tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
> >
> > 20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and
> > gentlemen, if you
> > wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane
> > is on the wing and
> > if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
> >
> > 21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.
> > After it reached a
> > comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an
> > announcement over the
> > intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your
> > captain speaking. Welcome
> > to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los
> > Angeles The weather
> > ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a
> > smooth and uneventful
> > flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" -----
> > Silence -----
> > followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came
> > back on the intercom
> > and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I
> > scared you earlier.
> > While I was talking to you, the flight attendant
> > accidentally spilled a
> > cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the
> > front of my pants!"
> > A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You
> > should see the back of
> > mine!