On the other hand, I don't think it is healthy to gloss over that which makes us uncomfortable, such as the fact that it was legal to buy and sell slaves in some northern teritories even after the war and the emancipation proclemation didn't free slaves then under Northern control. Also, Lee freed his slaves at the war's outset, while Grant owned slaves throughout the war.
Slavery was illegal in EVERY Northern state prior to the war some as long as 70 yrs. before. It was illegal NOWHERE after the War. Where did you come up with that.
There was nothing wrong with Lincoln freeing slaves within the rebelling states and not the loyal Border states. He never claimed to be fighting the war to free the slaves in any case and making the Proclamation posed a great danger to the South.
Grant owned no slaves. You need to forget the false claims of those trying to defend the RAT Rebellion which appears to provide the basis for most of the mistakes in your post. These people are liars.