The Hormone Hostage
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER:Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST:Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER:Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST:
WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE:Here, have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER:Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST:
Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER:You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST:
Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER:I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST:I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE:Here, have some more chocolate.
13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
And remember: Money talks .... but Chocolate SINGS!!!
I used to work at a massage parlour, but I got fired. They said I just rubbed every body up the wrong way.