Genuine Excerpts (Humor Break)

The following are all replies that Dallas TX women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing "father's details". These are genuine excerpts from the forms (truth be told??).

1. Regarding. the identity of the father of my twins, child "A" was fathered by Jim M. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child "B", but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was emackulate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child "A"'s dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

8. Peter S Is the father of child "A". If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child "B" who was also borned at the same time ... well, I don't have clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

Some Reagan Wit (Some of my favorites)

"The Difference between them and us is that we want to check government spending, and they want to spend government checks"(referring to the Democrats)

"Too many people, especially in government, feel that the nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program."

"You might be weary of me sounding the same alarms. you might think, we have heard all this before, but somehow we muddled through. Well, this is like the window-washer who fell from the Empire State building. When he passed the twentieth floor, he said, "so far, so good.""

"When those who are governed do too little, those who govern can-and often will- do too much."

"The credibility gap is so great in Washington they told us the truth the other day hoping we wouldn't believe it."

"I've never been able to understand why a Republican contributor is a fat cat and a Democratic contributor of the same amount is a public-spirited philanthropist."

"Governments tend not to solve problems, only to rearrange them."

"To blame the military for war makes about as much sense as suggesting that we get rid of cancer by getting rid of doctors."

"The taxpayer, that's someone who works for the federal gov't but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."

(of the flower-children of the late 60's)" Their signs said make love, not war, but they didn't look like they could do either."

(referring to anti-war protestors)"Those young people [demand] the right to send blood to the enemy in Vietnam. I think they should be allowed to do that - providing they send it in the original container."

(Reagan on Bobby Kennedy)"Bobby Kennedy is so concerned about poverty because he didn't have any as a kid."
" I was a near-hopeless hemophiliac liberal."

"The government in Washington is spending some 7 million dollars every minute I talk to you. There's no connection between my talking and their spending, and if they'll stop spending, I'll stop talking." - May 1976

"Bureaucrats favor cutting red tape - lengthwise."

(Reagan told supporters that he promised tax "increases" when he meant to say "decreases". He explained...) "I've been talking about Carter so long that I make mistakes like he does."

"Carter was supposed to go on "60 minutes" to talk about his accomplishments, but that left him 59 minutes to fill."

"Depression is when your out of work. A recession is when your neighbor's out of work. Recovery is when Carter's out of work."

(referring to Carter's economic policies)"He said he'd do something about unemployment. He did. In April, 825,000 Americans lost their jobs."

"The current tax code is a daily mugging."

"You know, I think the best possible social program is a job."

" The nine most terrifying words in the English language are," i'm from the gov't and I'm here to help you.""

"[According to the Democrats,] government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases. If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."

"There's a clear cause and effect here that is as neat and predictable as a law of physics: as gov't expands, liberty contracts."

" Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the Democrats believe every day is April 15,"

" How do you tell a Communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin."

"What are the four things wrong with the Soviet agriculture? Spring, Summer, autumn, and winter."

"A friend of mine was asked to a costume ball a short time ago. He slapped some egg on his face and went as a liberal economist."

(While visiting the Canadian parliament, Reagan commented on the demonstrators who protested his visit)"[They] must have been imported to make me feel at home."

" Economists are people who see something that works in practice and wonder if it would work in theory."

Soon after Reagan was awoke, presidential aide Lyn Nofziger reported to Reagan,"you'll be happy to know that the gov't is running normally." Reagan replied w/o hesitation, "What makes you think I'd be happy about that."

(After watching President Bill Clinton's State of the Union address, former President Reagan said at a republican gala): "I'm reminded of the old adage that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Only in this case, it's not flattery, but grand larceny: the intellectual theft of ideas that you and I recognize as our own. Speech delivery counts for little on the world stage unless you have convictions, and, yes, the vision to see beyond the front row seats."

Again Reagan said, " when you see all that rhetorical smoke billowing up from the Democrats, well, ladies nd gentlemen, I'd follow the example of their nominee; don't inhale."

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