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Dear Friends and Relatives:

I have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise $5,000,000
for a monument to William Jefferson Clinton. We originally wanted to put him
on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more
faces.

We then decided to erect a statue of Clinton in the Washington, DC, Hall Of
Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It
was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who
never told a lie, or beside Richard Nixon, who never told the truth, since
Clinton could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest
Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he
got there, didn't know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had
been, decimated the well-being of the majority of the population while he
was there, and did it all on someone else's money.

Thank you.

William Jefferson Clinton Monument Committee

P.S. We have raised $1.35 so far.

We' re Off to See the Wizard!

Four U.S. Presidents get caught up in a tornado and off they whirl to the Land
of Oz.

They finally land in the Emerald City and go to find the Great Wizard

"What brings the four of you before the great Wizard of Oz?" bellows the great
and power Oz.

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly and says: "I've come for some courage."

"No Problem!" said the Wizard. "Who's next?"

Richard Nixon steps forward, "Well, I think I need a heart."

"Done!" says the Wizard. "Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?"

Up steps Bush and says, "I'm told by my critics that I need a brain."

"No problem!" said the Wizard. "Consider it done."

Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there,
looking around, but he doesn't say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "Well, what do you want?"

"IS DOROTHY HERE?"

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!

He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

"What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas .

" They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit KissMe."

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."