Posted on 10/13/2006 4:31:20 PM PDT by snugs
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TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS
***IN GENERAL***
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
***DINING OUT ***
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME ***
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
***PERSONAL HYGIENE ***
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods
***DATING (Outside the Family) ***
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
***WEDDINGS ***
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can creat too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
***DRIVING ETIQUETTE ***
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
***TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER***
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
Or a couple slices of bread and slices of summer sausage as well. LOL
I do a lot of grazing myself. or left overs from dining out. FRequent dating & dinner out often gives me those nice little NON bio degradable containers full of nice treats for the next day
>>Is this from the diary of FReeper The Raven
I didn't do it. I plead innocent. Not guilty, your honor. No way.
Refrain from opening your can of beer until the eulogy is over.
No Bounty bar?
I have seen Shepherd's Pie on the menu of both an English and an Irish pub. Go figger!
good one!
Stephen?
No -- not a Stephen here
No stephen.. just a "stud muffin"
Stop that! I'll have to beat away the ladies
You already DO have to beat em off Rav.. but I understand.. having another 20 or so more would get out of hand.
Off to walk doggies & going to St. Ed & St. Ignatius game tongiht in Parma. Ranked number one & two in region. Will freeze my butt off & have a very sore back.. but hey, that is what football season is all about
I forgot and it is one of my favourites in fact today I bought our local supermarket's version of them.
Flakes are good too must be served iced cold though.
Phil is a good cook does not often make cakes but his main meals are very good. As he lives on his own he often does a big cook up and freezes individual portions.
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