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OK, I have a few questions.

How does a cucumber hold a hairbrush?

And what's holding up his towel?

And why does anybody care since a cucumber is just skin from top to bottom?

And what are cucumbers, pears, tomatoes, peaches, and asparaguses (asperagusses?, asperagi?, asperagae?, WHATEVER) doing cohabitating where children can see? Is this some sort of wierd effort to re-define the family?

And who said that communist tomato could decide how to redistribute the private property of the other flora in the building?

And what are all these fruits and vegetables doing singing silly songs instead of making me a salad?

Nevermind, Now I'm all hungry. Off to lunch.

Shalom.

So the Symphony Orchestra was playing a concert in the park and was in the middle of Beethoven's 9th Symphony. The basses, in the back of the orchestra, decided they had a few minutes to spare before being asked to play anything, so they ran across the street to the pub for some ale. It was a windy day, so they found some string to wrap around their music stands to secure their music while they were gone. Once at the tavern, they could hear the music and keep up with the progress of the piece.
After one, two or maybe three rounds, they decided that they had to hurry because the last movement of the ninth symphony was underway. They stumbled back onto the bandstand and were fumbling with the string, trying to get it loose, but not having much success. The conductor saw what was happening and instantly sized up the situation: it was the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied and the basses were loaded.

Sniglets: words for things that should have words but don't (By Rich Hall):
ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' dee yon ay tid)
adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus)
adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' ree um)
n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye (or, ear).
BURGACIDE (burg' uh side)
n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.
BUZZACKS (buz' aks)
n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.
CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun)
n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
DIMP (dimp)
n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt')
v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will `remove' all the germs.
ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma)
n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.
EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz)
n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.
ELBONICS (el bon' iks)
n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun)
n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
FRUST (frust)
n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun)
n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal' side.
NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see)
n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.
PEPPIER (pehp ee ay')
n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik)
adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n.
The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
PUPKUS (pup' kus)
n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun)
n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
THERMOSTATRICS (ther mo stat' rix)
n. Similar to 'elecelleration' above, the mistaken notion that if you set the thermostat to 95 degrees the room will warm up to a comfortable 70 degrees faster.