Oh for peet's sake.
You've never been outside Toledo, have you?
I spent 17 years overseas, working and living in Europe, Asia, South America, Canada, Russia, ME and never failed to get down on all fours, when I returned to America, and kiss the ground/tarmac/whatever.
The rest of the world is an undulating hellhole, sewer and rampant disease-fest, as compared to America, IMO.
Personally, I prefer Des Moines over Toledo.