What's Eating You? [Road Rage Alert]

08/08/06 | Froufrou

[Froufrou]

Which is worse? The Hummer at a snail's pace with the driver on a blue tooth? Or a Suburban at full throttle with the driver on a PDA?

Okay, what really peeves me is people who eat like Atilla the Hun and say, "I always eat like this and I never gain a pound!" Pfffttt.

[Froufrou]

I'll buy that! No salt...

[Skooz]

I agree 100%. No, 110%. No, 200%

Ok, I agree a lot.

[Froufrou]

Shopping for the holidays, at the mall, I was in an LTD, big as a boat, and a woman whipped in front of me after I had waited for the space.

I got out and stood there, tapping my foot as they got out. Red-faced, she said, "I didn't see you." I replied, "you didn't see a 22-foot yellow car?! I thought you were maybe trying to teach your daughter some manners!"

[JamesP81]

Girls love a guy who won't kiss 'n tell!

Tried it once. The girl was a little unhappy that I didn't tell my friends about her. Thought I was ashamed to be seen around her.

Don't get me started about dating. I find it frustrating myself because I get attached really easily, so I'm afraid to ask anyone out. The eventual let down is just too rough. That eats at me too.

[Froufrou]

Or the fax letters from the Sheik of Shakedowns asking you to cash his check for a portion of the proceeds.

[Sax]

The tailgaiters that suck right up to your back end are usually focused intently on your bumper. If you slowly, and rythmically, oscillate from one border of your lane to another, they tend to follow like a someone being hypnotized by a watch. When they realize what they're doing they usually back off a bit. (Maybe because they realize this isn't safe, maybe because they thing you're some wierdo - it does work though.)

[Constitution Day]

Just like that
Old man in
That book by Nabokov

[mysterio]

I hate it when drive-throughs try to force you into a "value" meal or some item that you don't want before you even have a chance to order. I'll tell you if I want a value meal, don't push me. I also really hate prepay only pumps. Like I'm going to steal the gas. I expect not to be treated like a criminal. Especially when I'm forking over hundreds for gas.

[Froufrou]

No doubt. I also highly resent the "one-time only" which plays on your fear that you could miss the opportunity of your lifetime if you fail to act [buy their crap.]

AND - The automaton on customer service lines, "you're call is important to us, so please just sit there with your thumb up your arse until we're dadgum good and ready to answer."

[Froufrou]

This is against the law in Texas, and when you finish passing, you're supposed to move over right away to the slow lane. I imagine this is due to all the short lane changes just inches before an exit.

[JamesP81]

The tailgaiters that suck right up to your back end are usually focused intently on your bumper. If you slowly, and rythmically, oscillate from one border of your lane to another, they tend to follow like a someone being hypnotized by a watch. When they realize what they're doing they usually back off a bit. (Maybe because they realize this isn't safe, maybe because they thing you're some wierdo - it does work though.)

There are several things I do, depending on the situation.

If a maniac is coming on, and he's in your lane, and traffic in your lane is moving faster than it is in the other lane, there's not much you can do. Just switch lanes and get out of his way. OTOH, if traffic in the other lane is moving faster than in your lane, speed up. Get close to the car in front of you, and wait for the maniac to get within a second or so of tailgating. Whip into the other lane and pass the car that was in front of you, but take your time about it. The maniac was probably so concentrated on your bumper that he didn't even notice the car in front of you. He has to hit his brakes and turn off his cruise control.

If the maniac is in the opposite lane, you have a different choice. If traffic in his lane is moving slower than in your lane, then his obvious course of action is to blow by you and switch lanes right on top of you. So what you do, is you slowly to start to accelerate. You do it in such a way as to not to be obvious, ie, don't pour it all on at once. Time it so that the maniac still thinks he can pass you and whip in front of you, but by the time he gets close enough to do it, you're beside the bumper of the car in the other lane, and he has no room to fit between you and the car in the other lane, so he has to shut off his cruise control to slow down. Go ahead and pass the car you are next to at a steady pace, so the maniac doesn't think you did it on purpose :-P The maniac will tailgate you passing the car you used to block him, but the maniac will whip into the other lane to pass once that's done. At this point, you can quit, or if you're really evil, you can continue having fun: pay attention to the traffic ahead. A lot of time the maniac drivers won't think about which lane is moving faster and pick the slower moving lane unintentionally. If he does this, blow by him in the other lane again.

If he's coming in the opposite lane and traffic is faster in his lane, just let him go. There's nothing much you can do without being obvious and he's not gonna tailgate you anyway.

OK, I guess I'm evil :\ I'm not this way with my friends in conversation or anything, and I don't even really think about doing all this. It just...kind of happens.

[JamesP81]

This is against the law in Texas, and when you finish passing, you're supposed to move over right away to the slow lane.

Against the law in Kentucky too, but the police don't even attempt to pull people over for it. It's probably the single most unenforced law in the state.

[Toby06]

Don't stand so close to me!

[Froufrou]

But, I bet if there's a funeral or an ambulance, cars will move over properly. At least, I would hope. I've seen this really nicely done in small towns.

[A knight without armor]

News programs that do a story and immediately warn against excess as though the views are complete total idiots. For example they report an occasional glass of wine is good for you and then say this is not permission to drink it excessively. Or nuts are healthy food but do not eat nothing but nuts.

And I am sooooooo sick of the weather guy or gal standing in front of the map telling us how to dress kids for the bus stop or to dress in layers or to drink water or to keep an unbrella in the car. JUST TELL THE WEATHER THANK YOU VERY MUCH WE CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH IT. Sheesh.

[JamesP81]

But, I bet if there's a funeral or an ambulance, cars will move over properly. At least, I would hope. I've seen this really nicely done in small towns.

Absolutely. I live in a small southern town, and we always pull over for ambulances, cops, fire trucks, and funeral processions. It's done not because it's a law, but because it's considered to be common courtesy. The fact that it's a law is merely a formality.

[Sax]

I do the same stuff, very fair and polite to the fellow commuters, but have a little fun with the meatheads.

Once in a while I'll slip and comment to the wife about who's intending to do what on the road around us, which insures that she's going to put her foot down and make me drive slow(er) - she thinks it's stupid and crazy to be playing games. I tell her it keeps me focused and less bored.

[JamesP81]

I do the same stuff, very fair and polite to the fellow commuters, but have a little fun with the meatheads.

Once in a while I'll slip and comment to the wife about who's intending to do what on the road around us, which insures that she's going to put her foot down and make me drive slow(er) - she thinks it's stupid and crazy to be playing games. I tell her it keeps me focused and less bored.

Yes. I do the same. You can usually tell the ones that are normally polite, but are in a hurry. Maybe late for work or something. I get out of their way, and stay out of the way of all the other commuters. The meatheads, however, are my toys occasionally. The ones that are just stupid and/or dangerous.

I'm not married, so I can still misbehave a bit :-P What's really fun is to get my friends in my car and give them a running John Madden style commentary on who's about to do what and then start messing around!

[JamesP81]

I also agree that it keeps me far more focused. If I'm playing around with the nutjobs, I'm generally aware of what's 3-5 cars in front of and behind me. When I'm just cruising without a care, I don't usually know what's going on more than 2 cars either direction.

[Froufrou]

Snall towns = good old days. Etiquette + Christianity = civility.