To quote from Jim Stingl's column in the Milwaukee Urinal (though this does describe the atmosphere quite well): "The sausage race is Milwaukee proving it can laugh at itself. We're a town that knows how to load up a bun, and we celebrate that by cheering on our favorite artery-busters in a foot race."
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador retriever and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. But that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned.
I told her no, that I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.
Worm in the Hole
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather
Ooooppppppssss
Worm in the Hole
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."