You seem to forget that before the south initiated hostilities there wasn't a whole lot of desire to make them stay. It wouldn't have been hard at all to work out division of property, settlement of debt, access to the Mississippi, and any other areas of possible disagreement. Lincoln may not have liked it but he didn't have a lot of political support to force the issue.
Blah, blah..., tiresome. How do you expect this to be the case?
Well that's all fine and good. But if your life, liberty and property was being threatened by a central power and you felt that that power was going to usurp your property and your slaves who represent part of that property then wouldn't you fight back?
To all lurkers and to all posters, I'm not in any way advocating slavery, I'm just saying that in the 1800's South and the 1800's North, slavery was an accepted thing.