It clears up a bit, when you read the transcription of a recent conversation at the Democratic National Headquarters. A microphone was apparently left on accidentally.
"So, I don't understand, Senator Clinton. How do we benefit from this?"
"Well, it's simple, my dear Senator Kennedy. As the summer progresses, if no one is killed by lightning, we laud ourselves for our effective action in the next round of FEMA checks. But if someone is killed, we denounce the Republicans for their indifference to human life. Put the drink down and think about it. We stampede FEMA with a media blitz, to send $ 500.00 checks to all potential victims of cell phone strikes!"
"But... that will put money in the enemies' hands also."
"Nonsense, Ms. Pelosi. We simply draw up the list of beneficiaries from those persons proven to own a cell phone."
"But... don't Republicans-"
"Nancy, try to focus here. We have records of all those people who called our campaign headquarters to donate. These are all proven cell phone owners!. And, we can say, let's see- 'We took the politics out of the largesse, by also including those who called our donation line and didn't donate!' Chris Mathhews will swallow it! And we'll say that the money is to buy each cell user a small red wagon to put the cell phone in and pull behind them in case lightning threatens."
"But... but... what if they are pulling the wagon and get struck anyway?"
"Don't be such a constant ditz, Nancy. What idiot would use free Federal money to buy a wagon? It's win-win!"
"Well, I don't know-"
"Shut up, Ted. You haven't been on the wagon for decades..."
So, you see, FEMA needs to once again establish that the media cares, and is looking out for YOU...