Once there was this bus which happened to be from Sesamee Street. On the bus were some very strange people with very strange things to do. First there were two identical twins whose names were both Pattie. They were very big and muscular, especially for women. Next there was a man named Ross. He was a extrodinary guy so he was dubbed "Special Ross". After that there was a hefty, overweight man named Leonard. Since his cheeks were so puffy people decided to nickname him "Leonard Cheeks". Finally, all the people on the bus had bunions at which they feverously picked and scratched.
What do we call this bus filled with strange people? Of course; we call them: "Two all-beef Patties, Special Ross, Leonard Cheeks, pickin' bunions, on a Sesamee Street bus!"
I posted this joke on OFST about a year ago. It was devised by my B-I-L
A married couple sits down to a fine meal at an elegant restaurant. Suddenly a lady from another table begins to gag on her steak. She's gasping for breath and starts turning blue. The couple looks worried. Then the husband gets up and runs over to the gagging woman, lifts up her dress, pulls down her panties, and licks her butt. Suddenly the steak dislodges onto the table. Relieved the lady thanks the man. She puts her clothes back on and begins eating the rest of the meal.
Husband sits down with his wife. He wipes his mouth while she smiles nervously at him. Some people clap then return to their meals.
Another woman begins to gag at a table way in the back. People start yelling for the man to save her too. He looks at his wife. She looks nervously at him but waves him on. As fast as he can, he jumps over a few tables and reaches the choking woman. He pulls down her slacks and underwear and begins licking her rear. COUGH--out flies the chicken bone. She thanks the man as she pulls her clothes back up.
Husband is congratulated as he makes his way back to his wife. He sits down. Wipes his mouth and begins eating his meal as if nothing happened. By this time the wife's jealousy has the best of her. In a controlled fit of anger she looks her husband in the eye "What the hell do you call that nonsense?"
"Nonsense? Honey, I saved those women." says he.
"I'm aware what you did. But what's with the sex?" she demands.
"Sex??? That wasn't sex honey. Haven't you ever heard of the heiny-lick maneuver?"