Posted on 05/06/2006 4:18:06 AM PDT by gobucks
"So, now you are finished, right"? The politely asked question came after my wife told a woman co-worker the ultrasound results. Our next baby is a girl. We just found out. This co-worker knew we had a boy last summer. So, I guess she has figured we have done our reproductive quota, and she wanted to know if we'd play by the rules, and not welcome any more children.
Now needless to say, I am thrilled about this miracle, as is Mrs. Gb. But even within the culture wars, we were not expecting, so soon, such a question. We don't have 10 kids, or 6. I think large families, in fact, have a lot going for them. But somehow, now we're supposed to be thinking we are all done. As if children are somehow toxic to society.
Well, here is my reply: no, we are not done yet. We will love the blessings as they arrive, one by one. And those children will grow up to be a blessing to others. And I have decided I understand where such ridiculous questions actually come from. And it is just sad.
Somehow, that woman must not have been as welcomed by her parents when she was born as she should have been. Especially, by her Dad. I'm quite sure, had she been loved, cherished, thrown into the air as a little girl, sobbed over as she walked down the asile...
I'm quite sure such questions would not even occur to such a woman. But when we hear them again, as I am sure we will, I have decided that instead of getting irratated or angry at the rudeness, I'm going to look at that person and say this: "We don't know when we will be finished." And just leave it at that.
I'm convinced the culture wars are self-inflicted, primarily by men who chose the wimp road regarding husbandry and fathering. But I'm not going to strike a blow against the insanity of our 'modernity' by scorning those who attack me and my wife because we love the kids we are having.
Instead, I'm simply going to show him or her that regardless of how loveless their background was, examples of how to love exist, and are worth paying attention to.
Who knows? Maybe these people have children of their own ... and maybe, they just don't know how to make their own children feel loved and wanted. How will they learn this, if I don't reveal it?
I sometimes answer, "Probably not - we're not saints yet!"
Other responses, "We just had this one, so we're not expecting another one *right now*."
Depending on my mood, "Maybe ... it was a difficult pregnancy, and I'm really tired!"
Or on a good day, "Are you kidding? Look how perfect he is!"
Since our religion does not permit sterilization (which is what, "Are you done?" questions imply), our feelings about having a larger family, on any given day, don't make any difference. What matters is the long-term commitment to be open to new life in our marriage.
I make the assumption that people asking about our family size are just curious, rather than hostile, or maybe not even curious, just not able to think of anything to say, after, "Wow, your baby is fat!" (At least the next line isn't, "And so are you!") I try to make it clear that we don't believe it's entirely up to us whether we have more children. We could decide we have enough, and then have another anyway, or we could decide we want more, but not be able to have them. Either way, the final decision is God's.
Congratulations on your daughter, and best wishes to you and Mrs. G-b for the remainder of the pregnancy!
Congratulations and God bless.
Reading too much into other folks' comments....
Among the things you might have said: "Whaddaya mean? Are we in China all of a sudden?"
We either hear that line or so are you going to try for the boy now? (we have 3 girls) People look at me dumbfounded when I say I would have another one. I would love to have more. and yes even if they were all girls. :)
Kids are expensive these days and college tuition is out of sight. That's what most people are thinking about when they name the last one "Quits."
Then again, maybe yours will be "Cheaper by the Dozen." Outside your family, people don't really give a flip how many you have.
congratulations. Enjoy .
I had a friend with four boys who, when asked, "Are you trying for a girl?" would answer (perfectly straight face), "Should we be doing something different if we want a girl?"
I grew up in a family of 10 children.
It was the richest, most rewarding experience you could imagine. I remember every Sunday after church playing softball and my father dutifully B-B-Qing chichen while my mother cooked the rest of the meal in the kitchen.
Now days I wonder how anyone could afford such a rewarding childhood for their children.
BTW: me and my wife have 3 boys. We go fishing after church when the weather is nice
Thanks TC - and you are right. The sterilization 'suggestion' is embedded. We don't forsee taking that road for a long, long time, if ever.
"Now days I wonder how anyone could afford such a rewarding childhood for their children."
It is not a question of 'afford'. Most people easily can afford it, if the choose to cut out other 'necessitiies'. Most folks don't cut those out.
Fishing after church. Somehow, I must say, that sounds more Godly than golf. I'll have to think on that one...
Tell them "We're Illegal Parents... only having the kids liberals won't." Don't let them get you down, your kids are lucky to have you and you them.
Touché!!! Excellent response!
So, now you are finished, right?
LOL. I will have to remember that. Thanks. :)
"We will take all that G_D gives us."
Response: "No, I still have to make up for the ones you won't have".
I can make the assumption that you and Mrs. Gobucks are Caucasian.
What do I base this on? The fact that, and I would be willing to bet my hands on this, this woman would never, ever say that to a minority.
Only whites overpopulate the world. Only whites cause global warming. Only whites destroy wildlife habitat and endanger all animal species.
White guilt.
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