In one dimension I see where you are coming from yet I don't understand it, but men are some how different...
If they remein single they seem to deteriate but if they move on they awaken again!
As a female I wish I could have understood how to move on after my husband died not really looking for a companion but doing those things never women seem to get too!
Had I been younger or in my early 50's I might have thought different about another life mate!
I am sorry that you had to experience the passing of your husband. That must have been an awful time for you. It sounds like you were able to find your way out of the Valley of Tears. I wish you joy and friendship and good health.