Things you have to believe to be a Republican today: Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
I'm an atheist so I'll have to pass on this one.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
I'd be happy to embargo China and Vietnam.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
If we can't get out of the UN then we'll have to make the damn thing work. I'd rather we got out, though.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
I have never seen such a non-sequitor in all my life. I have no idea what one has to do with another.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
I'd be happy to raise combat pay and veterans' benefits, being a vet myself.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
Liberals are the ones who want to get the soda machines out of schools. Something about encouraging good choices and setting an example. Silly stuff like that.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
If you think France is an ally, you are indeed a liberal.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
I have no interest in providing Iraqis with health care unless they intend to pay us back with cheap oil.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
And huge government-funded juggernauts are more empathetic? Have you ever been to the DMV?
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
Again, I'm an atheist, so this one doesn't apply.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
Bush didn't lie. Saddam had WMD and they are probably hidden in Syria now.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
I don't know any conservatives who want to censor the internet. Banning gay marriage is simply to prevent liberals from using the judiciary to force us to accept it. Stop using the judiciary to do end-runs around the Constitution and we'll stop trying to prevent it.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
Find out whatever you want about Bush's driving record, I don't give a s***.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
Being addicted to pain killers legally prescribed is a little different from being addicted to recreational street drugs that you knew darn well were illegal to start with.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Knowing someone is and has always been a communist sympathizer is important. Knowing someone was unfocused and didn't take much seriously when they were young is somewhat less significant as many people are that way when they are young.
Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail is expected.
Tell your liberal friend this one is much more difficult to explain. Then invite them on a hunting trip.
I like your post because it reveals the truth: most people do not believe 100% of what the opposite side thinks they believe. Many people may have certain beliefs that put them into one or the other political camp, but many have beliefs that do not coincide with other members of their party. I would hazard to guess that most conservatives strongly believe in free-market economics, a strong military, and as little intervention from government in their personal lives as possible.
Apart from those three core beliefs, I have known many Republicans who, like my wife and I, are not religious. However we both have a strong belief in traditional morality and are not afraid to call ourselves Christians. I'm sure there are many other Republicans who have beliefs that are not necessarily those of the stereotypical so-called arch-conservative.
And the same holds for Democrats. Many Dems I know own guns, like to make money, are for stiff punishment for criminals, are anti-affirmative discrimination, believe in individual liberty, etc. Many are ex-military and are proud of it. In my experience of over fifty years, it's not easy to pigeonhole people politically. It's just that they keep voting for leftist nitwits like my senator Russ Feingold.