> > > > Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:
> > > > > > > > Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
> > > > > > > > > > Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
> > > > > > > > > The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
> > > > > > > > A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
> > > > > > > > The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
> > > > > > > > If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
> > > > > > > > A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
> > > > > > > > Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
> > > > > > > > HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
> > > > > > > > > > Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
> > > > > > > > A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
> > > > > > > > Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
> > > > > > > > The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
> > > > Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
> > > > > > > > What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
> > > > > > > > Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail is expected.
> > > > > > > > Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08.
> > > > > > > > Friends don't let friends vote Republican. > >
Are you my Congressman?