My God, who is the giant scorpion, lived 300 million years ago.
He tried to write, but his claws only allowed him to produce crop circles.
He revealed to me "The Book of the Scorpian."
He says the world was created 300,000,001 years ago. First there was light, then dark, then salty oceans swimming with edible creatures. Then came the horrible plague of the nets.
Then came enlightenment, followed by men, who took upon themselves ranks, including "pope of the ocean," "High priest of the alterboys," and "Cub Scout master of the late tent adventures."