The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies
(sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)
Here's a little story of a man named John
A poor ex-marine (with a little fraction gone)
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife
She lopped off his schlong with a swipe of a knife
(penis, that is)
(rodeoed, fillet-iced)
Well, the next thing you know, there's a Ginsu by his side
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded the bend
(curve, that is)
(pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back
They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's Henry that was wavin' in the air
(found, that is)
(by a fence, evidence)
Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a dick-doc said, "Hey, I can fix your dong,"
"A needle and a thread is just the thing you're gonna need"
Then the whole world held its breath
'til they heard that he had peed
(whizzed, that is)
(stiched seam, straight stream)
Well he healed and he hardened, and he took his case to court
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short)
They cleared her of assault, and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape
(video, that is)
(unexposed, case closed)
"Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?!"