Wow, I think you're scarred for life!
For men:
The single rose in a vase isn't romantic. It's cheap. She knows it.
If your wife/girlfriend works in an office with other women, you'd better pray to God that the flowers you send are at least as large as the ones the other women get.
The women oohing over the Vermont Teddy Bear are not real women. They are a very rare race called "Wishwomen." They only exist in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and Miller Lite commercials.
Jewelry is always good for a wife. If she's not your wife, unless you're planning on making her your wife, forget jewelry.
Negligee is a good gift if you're intimate. If she's a little heavy, get a long, low cut gown. If she's thin, go for a baby doll shorty. These should be given at home, not sent to the office. Giving a negligee at home does not relieve you of the requirement to send flowers to the office.
Good places to get negligee: Victoria's Secret, upscale women's clothing stores designed for her age.
Bad places to get negligees: Fredericks of Hollywood, L. L. Bean, Motherhood Maternity.
Proper fabrics for negligee: silk, satin in red, pink, white, black or ivory.
Improper fabrics: flannel in plaid or camouflage.
Tips for women:
No matter what the ads say, if it's in the Avon catalog, we don't want it.
As long as it's worn just for your guy, there is NOTHING he considers slutty.
Negligee for you IS a gift for him.