[Snardius]

I'm first;

Colder than a well-diggers a$$...

Grinning like a dog eating peanut butter out of a wire brush...

[NerdDad]

Or how about:

Busier than a one-legged man in a @ss kicking contest.

[Charles Henrickson]

I never metaphor I didn't "like."

[Charles Henrickson]

I'm off like a bride's nightie!

[trubluolyguy]

More worthless than tits on a bull.



You know, like a RINO. Or a Liberal.

[SoothingDave]

I know from long experience that my men have all the artistic talent of a cluster of color-blind hedgehogs... in a bag.

SD

[saganite]

Poor as a church mouse.
strong as an ox,
cute as a button,
smart as a fox.

thin as a toothpick,
white as a ghost,
fit as a fiddle,
dumb as a post.

bald as an eagle,
neat as a pin,
proud as a peacock,
ugly as sin.

When people are talking
you know what they'll say
as soon as they start to
use a cliché.

[Chi-townChief]

Pardon the vulgarity but:

I gotta piss LIKE a racehorse!

[cuz_it_aint_their_money]

Colder that a brass toilet seat in the Yukon! ...
In January! ...
Out back in the outhouse!

Now thats COLD!

[chapin2500]

Make like a baby and HEAD out.

[martin_fierro]

This thread is as vane as a fan blade.

[w_over_w]

Slicker than deer guts on a door knob.

Hotter than two rats screwing in a wool sock.

As useless as hen sh!t on a water pump handle.

Uglier than a picture on an iodine bottle.

[w_over_w]

Oh! And from the movie Apollo 13 . . .

I'm so hungry . . . I could eat the butt out of a dead rhinoceros.

[MadCharity]

To describe these folks, I use the following similes:


dumb as a post
dumb as dirt
thick as two short planks
two clowns short of a circus
a few beers short of a six pack
old as the hills
old as Methuselah
empty as a drunkard's purse
drunk as a lord
drunk as a sailor
phony as a three-dollar bill
odd as two left shoes
ornery as a rattlesnake with hives
ornery as a water moccasin havin' his belly scrubbed with a washboard pick
ornery as a two-headed bull
ornery as a one-eyed pocket gopher in a thistle patch
ornery as a Corn Belt tornado
ornery as a pit bull sh*ttin' railroad spikes
ornery as a she-cat with a thorn in her paw
hard as picking fly sh*t out of black pepper
easy as putting a six-legged cat in a bucket of water
hard-headed as a ball-peen hammer
welcome as a skunk at a lawn party
dead as a doornail
dead as a mackerel
dead as a dodo
stale as yesterday's newspaper
useful as a back pocket in a vest
useful as a spit valve on a guitar
useless as a tit on a bull
useless as a screen door on a submarine
funny as a rubber crutch
funny as a train wreck
dark as a dungeon
dark as night
fat as a pig
stubborn as a mule (jackass)
noisy as crows
crazy as a coot
certain as death and taxes
bitter as gall
thick as thieves
nutty as a fruitcake
predictable as the sun setting

[Nea Wood]

Sharp as a bowling ball.

[najida]

Dumb as a box of hammers,
Sharp as a bag of wet mice,
As still as a rat on acid.

[Keith in Iowa]

Finer than a frog hair split 3 ways...

[GSWarrior]

If you're going to run with the big dogs you better learn how to pee in the tall grass.

[antivenom]

Busy as a one armed paper hanger

Serious as a heart attack

[MortMan]

Slicker as snot on a doorknob

[RockinRight]

-More frustrated than an Amish Electrician
-More frustrated than a legless Ethiopian watching a donut roll down a hill
-Happier than Rosie O'Donnell at a buffet full of Ho-Ho's

Gotta love Larry the Cable Guy!