In a chaotic day for the National Football League and sports world in general, the future of the NFL playoffs has been thrown into turmoil.
This morning, NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue announced that he had decided to ignore the upcoming conference championship games, and instead invite the New York Giants and Indianapolis Colts to play in the Super Bowl . "At the request of ABC, we focus-tested the potential ratings to a selected group of people in Lower Manhattan and Beverly Hills, and frankly, the numbers weren't there," said Tagliabue. "I'm sure those remaining teams....I'm not quite sure who they are; I haven't really kept up...will understand. Heck, I couldn't even tell you the capital of Pittsburgh myself!"
A visibly upset New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady fielded questions from reporters, even though he was busy working on his upcoming MTV reality series with Nick Lachey and Matt Leinart. "Look at this face," said Brady angrily, "You're telling me they couldn't have moved a few extra million Wheaties boxes with this mug on it? I'm dating Bridget freakin' Moynihnan, for crying out loud! Ahh, forget it. I'm gonna go download some porn."
A rumor that Pittsburgh Steeler coach Bill Cowher killed and ate a creative executive at ABC turned out to be unfounded.
Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning also held a press conference in which he said that "It's great to finally get this monkey off my back once and for all. And frankly, we deserve it. I don't want to, you know, uh, be a bad teammate or anything, but some of those refs didn't earn the money we paid them. That's all I'm sayin'."
Reporters also were able to obtain several quotes from someone they thought was Denver Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer, before it was discovered that the man in question was actually a homeless street person. "The beard fooled me. What can I say?" said an AP reporter.
However, in the afternoon, NFL referee Pete Morelli announced that, after viewing and re-viewing Tagliabue's press conference, he had no choice but to overturn the Commissioner's decision. "I determined that the Commissioner's left big toe was exactly 3 3/4 inches off the dais while his mouth was still 5 15/16 inches away from the microphone. Further, his left knee broke the plane off the area surrounding the podium while he was still in the process of speaking. Therefore, he did not complete a 'Commissioner Move.'"
The situation was still unresolved at press time.
LOL!!!!! You hit the nail on the head. The SB ratings will be the LOWEST in history. BTW, did you see Cowher do a 'muscle-man' pose to the crowd? Idiot! Love your post, you are dead on!