No, you are not dreaming. I want a man who likes being with me and with whom I like sharing time, but I want to be free to do things I like to do and I want him to do the same. Now that we are older, that is acceptable, especially if you have lived on your own for a while after losing a spouse as I have and "he" would have. I have put "he" in quotes because there is no "he" right now.
I have not experienced either the joy or heartbreak you have had so I can`t say I have the exact same outlook but I think I can understand your feelings.