Wield such powerful weapons as the Autoplunger, the Gnollish Flyswatter, the Pasta of Peril, and the Ridiculously Huge Sword!
Wear such protect-y armor as the Frilly Skirt, the Helmet Turtle, the Pants of the Slug Lord, and the Bugbear Bunguard!
Cast such mystifying spells as the Minor Ray of Something, the Jalapeno Saucesphere, the Cone of Whatever, the Leash of Linguini, and the eXtreme Ray of Something!
Eat such delicious food as Boulliabaise Coucher avec Moi, Spaghetti With Skullheads, Rat Appendix stir-fry, and the legendary Hell Ramen!
Drink such potent potables as the Ice-cold Fotie, the Tomato Daiquiri, the Acqua Del Piatto Merlot, and the Horizontal Tango!
Adventure in such areas as the Sleazy Back Alley, the Penultimate Fantasy Airship, the Misspelled Cemetary, and Degrassi Knoll!
Choose from one of six character classes: Seal Clubbers, Turtle Tamers, Saucerors, Pastamancers, Disco Bandits, and Accordion Thieves!
An Adventurer is You!
Dude, I think the Krimbo elves beat you up a tad too much last month.