Posted on 01/10/2006 4:55:41 PM PST by pissant
THE 2005 HALL of Shame lacks marquee monstrosities with the magnitude of "Gigli" and "Boxing Helena." Still, wretchedness is wretchedness and several wretched movies jockeyed for position on our 10-worst list. 1. "The Perfect Man" — Gorgeous Heather Locklear can't get a date so her daughter Hilary Duff impersonates a man courting her mother over the Internet. Creepier than the bug scene in "King Kong."
2. "The Ice Harvest" — Like walking through a murky aquarium. Two men with the personalities of cashews steal
$2 million on Christmas Eve. One (John Cusack) thinks it's smart to stash the cash with his untrustworthy partner (Billy Bob Thornton). Then he risks everything to make whoopi with a femme fatale who radiates monotony. Great trailer, awful film. And it's bloody.
3. "Elizabethtown" — Cameron's Crowe's latest ode to himself piles on the pop music and
little else. Oliver Bloom-as-Crowe visits the South to bring back his late father's body; it's a toss-up as to who's more inert. The "lesson": Change is good. The story's a jumble. And it's long.
4. "Boogeyman" — A man who's scared of the dark keeps walking into dark rooms in dark houses at nighttime. Could be the perfect man for Heather Locklear's daughter.
5. "The Amityville Horror" — Bad things happen in the house, including the acting. Things get worse, including the acting. Everyone ignores the bad things. Get out. Get out now. Don't think, run. That's a public-service message for the audience.
6. "The Legend of Zorro" — Antonio Banderas' Zorro chooses his ego over sex with Catherine Zeta-Jones. If that makes sense to you, you might want to check out "Boogeyman."
7. "Monster-in-Law" — Daughter-in-law Jennifer Lopez fails to spark with either her boring hubby or her scene-stealing mother-in-law. Jane Fonda maintains some dignity as the screwed-up title character despite reading from a script that tells her to act like Will Ferrell in drag.
8. "The Dukes of Hazzard" — Two idiots drive cars fast. A waste of Jessica Simpson's legs.
9. "Yes" — A passionate love affair spoken and narrated entirely in iambic pentameter — an error in judgment so glaring it burns: I love you, you see, you mean oodles to me.
10. "The Cave" — Too dark to tell what's going on in the mile-deep underground cavern where trapped scientists battle monstrous blurs with long teeth and a sound like crickets with asthma.
Dishonorable mention: "Constantine," "D.E.B.S.," "Fantastic Four," "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous" and "The Ring 2."
Didn't see any of those, fotunately. Although I have a number of pics of Jessica Simpson from Dukes of Hazard. I read it for the articles...oh, wait, wrong thread...
"The Dukes of Hazzard" — Two idiots drive cars fast. A waste of Jessica Simpson's legs.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
She's pretty easy on the eyes!
I reckon you could conjure up a better use, huh?
I usually don't care for some of the women being pushed by the People mag mentality--I think Jennifer Anniston, for example, is completely ordinary. But Jessica Simpson is simply stunning.
A trully great public service.
Yep, she is a certified traffic-stopper!!!!
Ther aren't many of todays starlets that are even remotely interesting to look at. This gal is one though.
Donations welcome. ;o)
And circulation redirector.
I reckon you could conjure up a better use, huh?
I most certainly could, she would look great fetching me a beer and giving me a "come hither" look.
I'll send her over to your place in a couple weeks then. After I run out of beer.
I heard that was worthwhile. Might be the ONLY thing from Hollywood that is.
LOL. You and that Alba chick. I think you need to hook up with her.
LOL
I don't think the wife would appreciate that one....
You can always ask.
heh...
I don't think it's happening LOL
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.