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A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill flies out of it and onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her .... "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Damn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I say: $20 now, or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea," laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well," says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay up."

A CHRISTMAS STORY
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.

He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year, Instead of "Thanks Santa"-- what do I hear?

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.

The elves want more money --

The reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS,

And just when I thought that things would get better

Those assholes from the IRS sent me letter,

They say I owe taxes -- if that ain't damn funny

Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any Money?

And the kids these days -- they all are the pits

They want the impossible Those mean little shits

I spend a whole year making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo-yo's--NO request for them,

They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment,

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me Blondie. I'm going SOUTH for the season

HO HO HO ( with an animated naked Santa - butt jiggling) by the way.. great toons today